When War Blinded
by BrightlyShining
Summary: A teenage girl shows up at the NCIS claiming her parents were murdered. But that's not as easy as it sounds and Gibbs makes a fatal mistake making things even harder - least but not last for himnself. And Ziva.   no pairing, no slash, set in S8
1. Chapter 1

**I do not have any rights on NCIS!**

**The plot is, however, made up all by myself.**

**I don't know if this story will be able to offend somebody. I hope not. If it should - sorry, I didn't mean to do this.**

**The plot is set somewhere in season 8 and I might make reference to those seasons.**

**Please excuse or try to overlook the mistakes I made in grammar and spelling. I tried my best but the longer I type the more mistakes I make. I hope you can understand everything, though.**

**I am glad about every comment left to my story. Criticism is very welcome, too. Don't be shy to point out mistakes if you notice some.**

**So.. enjoy!**

Until I was five years old I lived in a house made of red bricks with my mom, dad and my dad's parents. We had a large garden with hardly any flowers but a lot of thik grwoing, green grass that made the ground as soft as cotton wool. It was a nice neighbohood we lived in and my best friend lived across the street. I would come back from kindergarden and be excited about playing with my folks in the garden, having a BBQ at the weekends in summer or lying on the grass, my had in my grandma's lap, listening to her telling me stories about the family, her youth or sometimes just a fairytale I loved.

We didn't went to church regularly, none of us really cared. Gran'pa used to pray every night but I never learned a lot about religion. However - this house, my place, was what I imagined paradise to be like. I knew that if someone died, he or she would wake up at a place that was exactly like this I already had. That's why I was not afraid when mom told me that grandma died. Because I knew where she went to.

However, I had to learn as well how it feels to loose paradise when this was exactly what happened. Gandpa suffered a heart attack on the funeral and moved to a nursing home.

My parents had not the money to keep such a large house all alone while caring for him as well, so we sold it and moved to a smaller house which looked very classic with its veneer which was made from white-painted wood. I liked that house but it was small and living on the naval base wasn't as great as living in the neighborhood I knew. I got along well. I made friends, I got enrolled in school and did a good job there. We went to visit Grandpa and even though we both missed his wife and he was too weak to play with me the way he did in the past - we rememberd the old times, we talked and laughed and he taught me how to play Uno, Poker and canasta and we had good times together.

I stared and the building in front of me and realized that my hand were shaking. I saw it red venner and couldn't believe that I was so afraid of entering. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and started to walk, while tring to keep my steps just as brisk and calm as I have watched my parents do it and I got angry with myself for doing this. I never wanted the Navy to know my name. Not it was the only hope I had left.


	2. Chapter 2

The security guy gave me a suspicous look when I showed him my ID and shyly smiled at him.

"What is your concern?", he asked and already sounded impacient.

"I need to talk to a NCIS special agent", I replied and when I realized that I probably just told him the obvious I quickly added, "I might have information about a capital crime affecting the Navy. I really need to talk to someone, Sir. Please."

His look lasted long and heavy on my face and I gave my best to stay as calm as possible.

"Walk through", he instructed me then while pointing on the metal detector in front of me, "do you wear any kind of belt or brazen accssories? Take them off now. I'll give them back to you after passing the detector. Hand me your bag, I'll scan it separately."

I did not wear any and gave my purse to him without a word. My hands shook when I went through the detectors. I already checked for any metal thing I might wear but I couldn't stop being afraid of triggering the warning signal. I imagined staying there and being unable to talk to anybody. He'd just call someone to bring me back home. But I needed to get in there. I couldn't stop here, I couldn't..

Nothing happened. He gave me a visitor's ID card and I clipped it on my button down shirt. I felt my purse back in my hands, took two stumbling steps and then started to smile. A tear left my eye and I quickly brushed it away.

"Move!", I heared the security guy calling on me. I didn't knew whether he's been that bugged all day or just because of me. I didn't care either.

"Sure. I'm.. I'm sorry."

"Just move. You can't stand in the middle of the way all day, understand?"

"Sure", I recaped and slowly moved forward. I had no idea where to go so I went straight into the elevator when it opened. A blond woman stood in there. She looked nice and smiled at me when I entered and still shook a little. I sighed when I noticed the NCIS badget on her belt and she seemed to notice my sigh. Everyone I've been with so far must have thought that I'd be some sort of a freaky kid. I didn't care at all. She pushed one of the buttons and we moved up.

"Can I help you?"

"Ehm.. yes. Do you know where I can find Special Agent Gibbs?"

"Yes, of course. But I think he's quite busy right now."

"Can I wait somewhere until he has a minute or so?"

"It might take a couple of houres. You know - he's just got a new case. Nothing special, I would have heared about that, but easy things take a long way through bureaucracy, you know."

She laughed and I did too, because she seemed to be a great person who was nice to me without having any kind of ulterior motive.

"I don't mind, really."

"If you say so."

The door opened and revealed a bunch of desks, rolling file cabinets, monitors and people. But instead of going out she pressed another button and we moved a level down again.

"Just follow me", she called on me, a lot nicer than the security guy did, "I'll show you a place to wait and I'll leave him a note so that he'll know you're there. Techincally it's not a waiting area. Ehm.. the conference room is monitored so you might not do anything too embarassing. A beverage dispenser and a snack vending machine are outside, they take dollar notes. The restrooms are down the hallway."

I followed her and was almost too excited to fully listen to her instructions. At the same time I tried to gather every information she gave to me. I had to do my best here. I couldn't allow myself to screw up.

We entered the room and I hesitatantly sat down at the edge of one of the bureau chairs.

"Do you need anything else?", she kindly asked.

"No", I replied, "I'm sorry for bothering you that much. Thank you very much for your help, Ma'am."

She laughed a sweet, little laugher.

"You're very welcome. Just ask for Amber Sullivan if you need any more help. Good luck, sweetie."

"Thanks."

She left and as the door closed I burried my head in my arms while fighting the upcoming tears.


	3. Chapter 3

I must have been sleeping because when I woke up I was starving. and a quick look on my cell told me that I've been waiting in the conference room for about two hours. I stood up to go to the restroom and hoped that I wouldn't meet anybody on my way there.

I squited cool water in my face and wondered if it feels good or too cold to do this when being someplace where it is 105°F in some times of the year. Did my mom like cold water over there? I shook my head when trying to stop thinking about her, took a short glance on the mirror and shuddered when seeing mywself. I looked pale, lost and tired. This was not the way I wanted to look like. Could someone think I was insane? I looked younger than I was - so maybe they'd think I was a kid and wouldn't take me serious?

I quickly left when a woman entered and searched in my purse until I found a Donnar bill and got myself a Coke. Coke has been my best friend in hard times so far. Whenever I didn't knew what to do, where to go or how to get along with things - I had a Coke. It's the only thing that never has let me alone. It's a sad bestfried, though.

When I stood in front of the conference romm's door something inside of me refused to go in there again. I couldn't just stay there waiting. So I turned around and walked down the hallway again until I came to some sort of a tribune. I could look down on the working NCIS agents and tried to remember what Gibbs lokked like. A young man with red hair looked up to me but then turned back to his work.

"Hey, you", I heared someone say behing me and I turned around startled, "what are you doing here?"

It was a dark haired woman. She looked at me not in an angry but scary way and I immediatly felt smal.

"I- I am s- sorry", I tried to explain myself with an unwanted stammer in my voice, "I, ehm, I was supposed to wait in this.. this room, back there and I just-"

The woman gave me a smile but still she didn't really look nice. Still I calmed down a little.

"My name is Jessica Montenegro", I said, "I am waiting for Special Agent Gibbs."

"I work for him. Can I help you?"

"I.. I don't know. I don't remember you."

"You know Gibbs?"

"Well.. no. My parents were involved in a murder investigations like eight years ago. We all were potential witnesses and he had the case lead so he won't remember me, I was nine back then. And.. I remember a woman being there, too. But she weren't you, were she?"

"No, she wasn't."

I still don't know if it was imagination. Maybe I reflected my own feelings on her. But I was sure to see an umbrage of bitterness flashing over her face as I mentioned the other woman.

"So however.. I am working for Gibbs since five years now. Just tell me what you need to-"

"No!", I interrupted in a harsher voice than I wanted, "I mean.. no, sorry, I.. I can't do this. See.. I don't know who you are and maybe you would understand but I can't be sure about that and I can't just ask you to tell me your life story because you wouldn't do this and it would take way too much time and.. I just can't. I.. I might just go back wait in that room."

I couldn't interpret the way she looked at me but she seemed to not get angry about being rejected, only a little pondering. Then she nodded and turned around.

"I'll remind him you're waiting."

"Thank you."

I almost ran back to the room and took some hasty swigs from my Coke. I chocked on it and bursted out coughing. When I looked up I beholded a man with grey silver hair in a weird cut. God, this haircut was the only thing I really remembered.

"Hey Jessica", he said and sat down in fron of me, "I am Special Agent Gibbs. I remember you and your parents. Agents David told me you need to talk to me."

Ever worry, every doubt fell off me as I looked in his face. Tears came up into my eyes.

"Yes", I whispered, "they were murdered."


	4. Chapter 4

He looked at me and his face told me nothing at all but looked gentle though.

"Your parents were murdered?", he began and I felt a cold shiver coming over me.

I nodded.

"When did this happen?"

I shut my eyes and took a deap breath.

"Today", I said in a too breathy voice, "I don't know the exact time. They.. they told me they don't know but I know they do. Because there were people present. They just think I'm crazy or super weak."

"You have my sympathies."

"Never mind. Haven't seen them in a while, don't live where they lived whenever they were home.. life won't be that different, you know? It's gonna be fine. Maybe easier-" My voice failed me and I desperately wished I could believe in my own words. Gibbs looked at me as gentle as he had done before. Maybe I saw a little sadness in his eyes, maybe charity - I didn't really know but I knew that none of this was what I wanted. I never wanted people to feel sorry for me.

"Why do you think they were murdered?"

"Because they both died at the same date without being together - they weren't even close to each other, I beliebe the distance is about 1420 miles.. How likely is this going to happen?"

"It's improbably, but there always is a chance."

"No!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm serious - that's not happening, that's not normal!"

"Jessica.. how did your parents die? Why were they that far away?"

I balked for about half a minute, not sure what to answer. I knew what he'd tell me. That it was, well.. normal. And, as those who told me about it, phrased it with much aprose: Nothing was wrong with it. A wave of anger flared up inside my heart.

"My dad was stationed somehwere in Afghanistan, he never told me where he were, he called me like once a month, sometimes not that often. My mom in Bagdad, Iraq. I know what you're going to say. They were in the military. They were in war zones and they both got killed in an explosion. Bombs aren't that seldom over there, are they? But still.. I know they did not die because of that. I've always been afraid of getting the message of their deaths at an interval of.. lets say three months. That one of them died and I would fight my problems and then I'd get over it.. and another person would tell me that I now lost the only person left."

"You're right, it is unlikely. But it's possible and.. it's sad but that doesn't make it any different."

I sighted, close to resignation. If I couldn't make Gibbs believe me, nobody would every do. I knew I was about to lose. This was my only chance.. and I failed it right away.

"Look, my mom almost lost her left arm last year. She was lucky that it had not to be amputated but she wasn't able to totally use it, in fact it was barely movable and she couldn't even form her fingers to make a fist. It's not as if she'd be running around with a gun shooting people or jumping on every bomb she saw since then. She went back to Bagdad, sure - but she was much more of a pencil pusher than before. She told me that she barely came near to some place dangerous. And that injury.. it changed things. It changed them a lot. Only two of eight people survived. She could easily have died and she told me she realized now in what situation she brought me. I'd be all alone if she'd die. Expect of my dad, of course but his presence was even less than my mom's was. She promised me to watch herself. And she did, I know that!"

His face still didn't show any judgement. He seemed to be a little scpetic but as far as I remembered he used always looked that way when I saw him a few year ago, too. He remained silent and observed me wordlessly until I couldn't abere it to myself and sit still, calm, deedless any longer. I jumped on my feet and angrily banged my fist on the table.

"They were murdered!", I shouted and my voice sounded like the one of a furious stranger, "I know it and you will investigate that, alright? The Navy cannot let me down another time and I will make sure it won't! You are going to do this, you have to! You- just.. please. Please do this.."

I felt as if I'd be close to breaking down again, but to my own surprise I didn't. I just stood there, heavily breathing, feeling like someone must feel who's returning from a long fight which turned out was impossible to win.

"I'm sorry I took up that much time of yours", I mumbled and turned to walk away.

The elevator was empty as I went to exit the building. The security's shift changed so there was a lady whom I gave my visitor's ID. I left the building with hatred for the world.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hm.. I just want to point out again that I don't own NCIS. Even though I'd love to. I just don't know when I have to do this disclaimer thing.. so here it is again.**

**Also.. please excuse the mistakes I make. I feel as if they'd increase from chapter to chapter.**

**& I really appreciate the two revies I already got from 'vampiremuggle'. Thanks a lot!**

"You already talked to that girl?", Ziva asked as Gibbs rejoined the team and sat down behind his desk.

"Yes."

Ziva heaved a silent sight. Her boss has never been a man of many words.

"I just thought it'd take more time", she remarked, "she sounded quite.. troubled to me."

"She certainly was."

"Then why-"

"Both her parents died today", Gibbs interrupted impatiently, "they were killed while serving their country and she's left behind. But there isn't anything NCIS could do. And I can't either."

"They why did she came here? It's.. it's not the first place many would go to if they'd need consolation."

"She insists on capital crime. She doesn't believe her parents got killed."

"I don't blame her for that. It's hard."

"Sure it is. But that's not the right place for her."

Ziva had nothing to answer on this.

"Now, how far did you get?", Gibbs asked the whole team, referring to the reports they were working on to finish the latest investigation.

A Petty Officer had killed himself by taking an overdose of soporific. He had a history of depression, went through a rough divorce fight and lost custody of his children the day before, was close to get discharged due to bad conduct, his apartment got switched of the current when he couldn't affort paying his bills any longer because he had to spend every penny he had on a lwayer and the little he had left on dope. It was a sad case - but a fast one. The evidence supported the obvious, he had no trouble with the dealer he got the dope from and his wife had already moved to Maine. Nobody there to care about him. Nobody there to kill him.

"On your desk, boss", McGee replied Tony went over to give a fresh copy of his own report to Gibbs. Ziva started printing her's out and moved the sheets into a flap folder.

"Abby and Ducky are going to have the most work in that one."

"Means early evening to me", Tony laughed and stood up to leave the office, "anybody up for a drink?"

McGee and Ziva paused only for a few seconds, then got up to go with him. Gibbs gave no response but it would have been invalid anyway. He never did more than bringing coffee and celebrating Thanksgiving at Ducky's. He was their leader and whenever necessary their supportive. They all knew he was there for them any time needed - but he would never be_ with_ them, as they were together, as they were close friends.

"Sure you don't wanna join us, Boss?", Tony asked again, calling over his should on the way to the elevator. No respone. Gibbs would probably stay here until midnight - whatever he'd do that long.

In front of the NCIS building Ziva stopped puzzled. She felt Tony hitting her spinal when he had no time to halt fast enought.

"What are you doing?", she heared him complain but didn't really care.

She only stared at the girl that lay at one of the park benches. She recognized her. But this time she was covered with blood.


	6. Chapter 6

"Jessica?"

I nodded. My whole body was shaking. I didn't want to try to talk. I knew words would fail me. I knew the woman who sat down beside me but in shock I wasn't able to recall her name. The two other agents stood in front of me and looked up and down, appraised me. McGee. DiNozzo. Tony, I remembered. I talked to him. We both liked 'Doctor Strangelove'. McGee interrogarted both my parents. But most of all I remembered talking to that woman. Kate. Wherever she was right now - I wish I could have talked to hear instead of anyone else.

"Jessica? Are you alright?"

I nodded again and winced as she softly touched my shoulder. She took her hand back immediatly.

"Are you injured? Did you get hurt somewhere?"

I negated by simply shaking my head. I opened my mouth but closed it without saying a word. What could I have told them? What could I have done?

The woman looked at McGee.

"Call an ambulance, she might need a doctor."

I became frightened right away and widely opened my eyes.

"No!", I ejaculated fast and hard, "I don't need a doctor, I'm fine. This is not my blood, I don't need a doctor, I don't need anyody, I don't need a doc-"

"Whose is it then?"

"I don't _need anyone!"_

_I hated myself when tears came into my eyes again. I felt them running down my cheeks and heared my own sob with shame. The salty water felt cool on my skin - how weird it was I liked the cold on my face but hated how it felt to cry._

_The woman sat next to me and didn't move. She seemed to stare at my tears with a descent of fear._

_"Come on up, Jesse, we're gonna find you some better place to sit than out here. It's already.. pretty cold, isn't it?", Tony said and gently pushed my shoulder. The woman gave him a worried look._

_"Ducky can have a look on her", he suggested, "he'll know if whether she's fine or not."_

_"I don't want anybody to have a look on me", I interposed quietly but all of them ignored my objection. I sighted and stood up, staggering and insecure. I felt my kneew get weak and became giddy._

_"Careful, not too fast."_

_I felt a hand on my shoulder and felt better. I went to the NCIS building without fearing I might not get in there. Nobody was rude or impacient, but I barely noticed the difference. They could have brought me everywhere - I didn't mind._

_They headed me through the building, passing the elevator, desks and people. So, so many people. I noticed doors and eyes staring at me. Some were worried, some full of pity and some only nosy and curious. I sat down on a chair and felt a cold ca in my hand._

_"Come on, take a hit or Ducky's gonna be mad at us. You need the energy. Sorry, but it's obvious."_

_I slowly raised the can to my mouth and smelt Coke. I smiled a little and then emptied the can with only a few swigs. I had missed how much I needed to drink something._

_"Do you need anything else?"_

_"No", I mumbled, "but thanks."_

_I could almost feel my brain getting clear again and wiped my tears away._

_"Who are you?", I asked the woman. She sat next to me, "I'm sorry, I should remember. I already saw you and Agent Gibbs mentioned your name.. I believe."_

_"Ziva David. Ziva is fine." She paused for a couple of seconds. "You seemed to know Tony?"_

_"Yes. Never met another Peter Sellers fan so far."_

_"Never met another girl of your age who watched a movie from 1964."_

_I smiled._

_"You avoid talking about the blood until this, ehm.. Ducky arrives. I realized that but I should warn you, because you're right and I hope I won't wont pass out or anyrhing.. but you're gonna have a hard time talking to me. I don't feel too bad right now so.. go visit my grandparents house. My cool grandparents died, they are a little aweful but.. go have a look in their garden shed and.."_

_I leaped on my feet and ran through the hallway in the restroom to throw up in a toilet bowl. I rinsed out my mouth and left before any of them could come after me to watch. I forced my mouth to a smile when I sat down again. McGee was missing. I knew where he'd go to._


	7. Chapter 7

"I believe she's under a shock, which is perfectly understandable. But besides that.. I'd say she's fine. You should give her something else to drink. I don't know how much she threw up but she needs the energy anyway. But as far as it concerns her health she should be alright."

Ducky looked at me and smiled. Tiny little crinkles encircled his eyes.

"I'm present, Doctor", I remarked a little touchy, "there's no need to talk about me in thrid person. I might have a 'shock' as you call it - but this doesn't make me deaf, okay?"

"Ah, I'm sorry honey", he replied kind, neither disgusted nor offened by my discouresy, "so I'll tell you the same I just told Tony and Ziva here - I don't know what you probably went through or how you feel, but I can tell that you are at least physically fine."

He gave me a comforting smile and I dropped my gaze.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. I should not have been getting that.. you know, kinda bitchy."

"It's fine. From time to time we all have to deal with the sad parts of life. I won't blame anyone for facing troubled days. So.. why did you come to NCIS this afternoon?"

I looked up and down Ducky for a couple of seconds and squinnyed my eyes while trying to figure out what was going on in his mind.

"This is going to be an evaluation, right?"

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"You're checking if I'm insane or not. Thinking about whos blood I have on my clothes. Can I be a killer? Or am I a psycho kid murdering someone? Or maybe just a sad child trying to get attention on the parents' death?"

"I don't think you killed anybody."

"How come?"

"Special Agents McGee and Gibbs are at the crime scene in the garden shed. I'll go there after finishing this talk - you know, it's my job so.. however. The temperature McGee metered suggests that he's been dead for a couple of hours. You were at NCIS by that time. Fairly easy, as you see."

"I'll give you that, Doctor Mallard."

"Just Ducky. Everyone calls me by that name."

"Okay. I'm Jesse. Would use it all the time if it wasn't a boy's name."

He laughed but I noticed how tensed up he was. Not as serene, not as buoyant as he peretended to be, but concentrated and focused all the time. Analytical. I could see he never really stopped thinking.

"So, Jesse, we were able to ID the victim. It's a young man called James.. Ryan."

"Saving Private Ryan." I smiled before even thinking about keeping it.

"Excuse me?"

"The movie. With Tom Hanks. It's.. really good. I always had to think about that movie when I was with James. It was out favourite. I never liked it when I watched it on my own and he didn't either.. but when we watched it together there was no flick better than that one, really."

"What kind of relationship did you two have?"

I balked. My smile vanished immediatly.

"He was my half brother. But not in the typical way. My mom is the one who cheated. My dad was somewhere in the near east and she was alone for about a year. It was befoer I was born and before they lived together with my gradparents. They moved from Oregon and my mom was very lonely and lost. She had an affair. And she got a baby from it. She told my dad about it, never tried to hide it from him. And it took them a long time, but somehow they got to find together again. James, however, was raised by his father. Not many people knew about his mother - it's nothing to go hawk around with.

His father died last year. My mom and dad both had to leave for their job. James and I both moved in at my other grandparent's. They weren't really intersted in having any of us there but we stayed there before. Every time when our parents left us."

"I am sorry you lost so many people."

"Never mind. But.. I came to NCIS because I know my parents were mrudered. I shouldn't keep it a secret that I.. dislike the Navy, not to say hate. Really, I do. I never cared about honor or patriotism. I cared about having parents and thanks to Semper Fi the last time I saw them was eight months ago. At some days I caugh myself forgetting about them. But I know that it's a case for NCIS. Believe me - if I had a chance to make the FBI investigate I'd take it."

"Did you just went back here after finding James?"

I nodded and shook a little.

"I had to and I would have called the police right away, but I could not lose any time.. Someone's coming after my family", I whispered and felt the fear coming up again, tryed to not let it escalate into panic, "I can't leave again, Ducky. Whoever this is - he's gonna kill me next time. Please, I must stay here. I need the help of NCIS. I can't iron that out by myself. Please."


	8. Chapter 8

Ducky was worried. And as he looked around he could see the whole team felt that way.

"I should have believed her", Gibbs said.

"It didn't sound logical, Boss", Tony replied fast, trying to not let Gibbs flush into a bad mood, "everyone would have reacted the way you did. I mean.. it's war. People die in there. Nothing new with that, right? You know, all of us-"

"Would have been wrong as well."

"You are right", Ziva remaked calmly out of the background. Gibby, McGee and Duky stood in front of the screen staring at the pictures of Jessica Montenegro, her brother and her parents. She was the only one who sat behind her desk, more relaxed than any of them, "we were wrong to not believe her. You mistake. Her misfortune."

"Come on, Ziva. That's a little remorseless, isn't it?", McGee asked while having a look on Gibbs on every occasion. Gibbs, otherwise than the rest of the team, smiled at her for half a second. Maybe.

"At least she's telling the truth."

"Not the best way to find that out."

"But we did. And we can except one suspect already. So.. what did we got, McGee?"

"Ehm.. Jessica Montenegro, 17 years old. Both parents -Kimball and Elaina Montenegro- are marines. Father in Afghanistan, we're still working on finding out where exactly he was and whaht he did there. Probably near Kabul, but that's the guess of an old boss.. gonna check that, anyway. Mother in Bagdad, had something to do with administration of military tactics or whatever. Again - a whole lot of trouble getting any kind of info. Her paretns worked with some people who were quite secretive.

Then.. James Ryan."

"Lovely Name", Tony interposed, almost driven by instinct, "_Hey Doc, I got a mother, all right? I mean, you got a mother. Sarge's got a mother. I mean, shit, I bet even the captain's got a mother_."

McGee didn't say anything while there was a silent laghter coming from Ziva. It took Tony a moment to realize.

"Sorry Boss.. regarding that you and Ducky are both present that.. wasn't apropriate. But still - true."

"McGee?"

"Sure. James Ryan. 18 years old- so he's pretty close to Jessica but, whta she did not mention, couldn't live on his own because of mental issues. Appearently he was a little slow and went astray twelfe times whithin the past half year so that he couldn't take care of himself or make proper decisions. After his father died the court wouldn't give custody to his mother because of her regular absence, so Jessicas Grandparents got it - there were no reported cases of abuse and they wanted to get the check for it."

"Have you talked to them when you were there?", Ziva asked.

"Indeed, I payed a little respect to the eldery", Tony replied in an ironic voice, "Jesse's right when she says they're aweful. They are like.. uptight, old school and have the right to be assholes just because they've been born a couple of decades earlier than me."

"Everyone who's dressed in some way is uptight to you."

"But they would call your jeans and blouse _nudism _already. You know what? You should be talking to them while wearing a tanktop and an opened winter coat - I bet they'd be so confused they'd go crazy!"

"Anything else?", Gibbs interrupted and sounded pissed-off already.

"No. As McGee already sayed - they won't give us any information. You know, maybe you should call 'em, Boss. That's all that Military stuff.. you belong there a lot more than we do."

"Oh yes, and how would NCIS not belong to the Navy?"

"All right", Tony sighted, heading to his desk, "let's get started on this."

Gibbs stood up to leave the team alone with the work they would be focussing on.

"And you are-?"

"Talking to Jessica."

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Jethro?", Ducky asked, calling attention on his presnece.

"Why shouldn't it be one?"

"She's not the type of Marine child you might think she is. You get along with.. you know, patriots. Kids who admire their parents for going to war and serving their country. Well - she's not such a kid. She doesn't care about nationality, which I think is an admireable quality. She might be a great peacemaker in other situations, but right now she's sad, disappointed and angry. Solcae of a patriot won't let her calm down. Nobody will be able to make her being proud of anything and since you turned her down today - she might not listen to you. She might be most of all angry and.. I'm only concerned that you two won't work out very well."

"It'll be fine, Duck. I've already managed talking to people who don't like me."

Gibbs turned around again and went away. Ducky softl shook his head.

"This is not gonna end well", he mumbled, "it's not gonna take the way he'd like."


	9. Chapter 9

I slept again. Gosh, was I tired.

I haven't been doing much that day. Only two periods of school -Calculus and Spanish- before I had to report to the office where two Marines brought me 'home' to tell me my parents died. Crying, remembering, fighting with my grandparents, running away, coming back, fighting again. Thinking about the probability of the two of them dying at the same day. Running, getting rejected, coming back.. as I thought about it those were quite a lot of things for a teenage girl to do in only one day. On the other hand it's been a day of only weakness.

I suddenly had to think about how I ate breakfast this morning. James told me a joke, grandpa complained about it being 'dirty and spoiled' whcih made th both of us laugh. This used to be our way of having fun with them. We weren't laughing at the lame, ambiguous jokes. It was all abut how they reacted on them.

My dreams were confused and made no sense. I mixed up dead people and the Agents I met today, the feeling of blood and the smell of a flower. I saw a man laughing at me as I ran through the streets of a quater with red houses. Something crushed my skull. And then.. there was a sang.

I started from my sleep when I heared the chorus of _Brand New Day_ [by Ryan Star]. It took me almost half a minute that it was the ringtone my cell played when my best friend called me. Carry. She must have been wondering about where I disappeared all day and not telling her anything made me feel guilty. I knew she loved me. I certainly loved her.

But when I pushed the green button of my cell she wasn't calling any longer. I thought about calling her back but didn't knew what to tell her. Not on the phone. She loved James as well, we used to have sleepovers every other Friday night. Telling her on the phone would have been tasteless.

I heared someone was on the door before it opened so I quickly put my cell away and tried to look as alert and considerate as possible. I was glad I did when I saw Gibbs coming in.

"I assume you believe me now."

He sat down and looked at me as calm as he has done during my first visit.

"Yes I do."

"Not such a thing as an.. hm, let's just call it an appropriate apology."

"Never apologize."

"Oh, come on, don't tell me now you don't want to be weak. Everybody is and you know what? As soon as you aknowledge it life gets a lot easier. We all break at some point. There's a debt limit for each of us. And admitting it makes it easier to get along with it."

"Would an apology help you?"

"Not really. But it'd make it official you werew wrong with not believing me."

"It wouldn't have changed things. James still would be dead."

"But it would have changed things for _me_, Agents Gibbs, because I wouldn't have been forced to find my brother killed if NCIS would have cared about what I said! I would not have seen the person I loved more than anyone lying in his own blood, I would not have been falling down next to him, I would not have hugged a dead body and I would not have sat there for almost an hour crying and begging to nobody that he would _please_ start breathing again!"

"You're right. I was wrong. But I'm here now."

"Yeah, you certainly are. A little late though, ain't you?"

"Jesse, please-"

"_What_ please?", I shouted, "there is no _Jesse, please_!"

"Who killed your parents?"

"I don't know."

"Why were they killed?"

"I don't know. Must be a family thing."

"Why?"

"Ehm.. because of my _brother_, who got killed as well?"

"Who would have a motive to kill your family?"

"I don't know!"

His calmness outraged me. I couldn't take him any more. I thought that Gibbs would be the person to understand me, to probably believe me. But hard reality was that he was cold. I could see the distrust behind his eyes I wondered why he looked at me that way. Out of any people on the planet I was the one who had no motive, no opportunity, no time to kill anyone today.

"You were a nicer person eight years ago, you know", I snapped, gazing at him in cold anger, "but right now, everyone I talked to today was a better person than you are."

"Might not have a good day."

I shook my had uncomprehending.

"Apology is not a sign of weakness. it shows pretty much everything _but weakness. What you are trying to do is.. senseless. It's a waste of time. You're gonna waste your life, Gibbs. I know what it's like to be just stubborn. And it seems to be a great thing to us. But at some point.. it leaves you all alone."_


	10. Chapter 10

Ziva stood at the window and looked outside over a dark DC. She knew it was warm out there and the air-conditioned chillness of the office made her freeze a little. She closed her eyes while trying to remember how the israeli summers felt on her skin. It has been much warmer over there and she would always remember it when she felt hot air.

_It's quite hot in Africa. Already forgot how the composit of sweat, blood and dirt feels on one's skin?_

She angrily shook her head to dispel the memories, turned around, sat down behind her desk again and searched for her spare sweat jacket.

"You know it's freakin' hot outside, right?", Tony asked and she noticed that he had sweat strains under his arms already, "you'll die when you leave the building like that."

"It's _summer _but it's awefully cold in here. If it'd ever bee that cold in winter you wouldn't stop complaining, Tony! Why would anyone try to get someone freeze in here?"

"It's for concentration. I cannot think while everyone else smells bad."

"Including you?"

Tony smiled wryly and gave no answer. He turned to some papers on his desk and quickly typed something into the Computer. Ziva watched him doing this without working by herself. She was done already. There was nothing to find that would help solving this case.

For a split second Tony looked triumphant, but then shook his head and leaned back from the desk.

"This sucks. I don't think we'll get to find anything about her parents. McGee and Abby try to hack the computer system her mother was working on in Bagdad but they aren't optimistic."

"Where will Jessica stay tonight? If someone's coming after her family we need to keep her save."

"Child Service saied they'll take her with them to a protectory but this might not be a good place. If a murder can make it on the Naval Base some social workers won't be that much of a hindrance."

"Can't she just stay at NCIS?"

"I doubt that they'll be okay with that. We have no place for her to stay. Where's she supposed to sleep? On the floor? On a steel table in autopsy?"

"But.. we have to find her a better place than the protectory is!", Ziva insisted angrily, "we can't send her to a place of which we know won't be save enough for her to stay right now. That's not how law enforcement is supposed to act like."

"We can't let her stay in a drying-out-cell either."

"I agree we can't. But you have to admit that this would still be a better place than the protectory."

Tony burried his face in his hands while thinking about save places for Jessica to spend the night at.

"She could stay with you, you know", he suggested, "if someone would try to kill me I'd look for the most dangerous person around of whom I know won't do that. And.. well, you're the only trained killer around and I bet you sleep with a gun in one hand."

Ziva stared at Tony and was shocked.

"I can't do this."

"Why not? Jessica would be save, we catch the killer and you have your appartment all to yourself."

"I just don't believe that this is a good idea."

"Yes I got that, but-"

"I might not be with Mossad anymore but this doesn't mean that there is no danger. There is always the chance that something aweful might happen - still, even though I'm not an intelligence official. What do you think are the reasons for why I sleep with a gun? Don't you think it's dangerous for a girl to be in one apartment with a woman who might think that the person sneeking around at night is a contract killer? And.. I doubt that she'll have a peaceful night."

"She lost her family. Of course she'll have a hard time catching some sleep."

"Than there's another reason."

Tony sighted but wasn't illing to give up.

"I have faith in you that you won't accidentally kill her, Ziva. Just take her with you. You can protect her and she has no place to go. It'll be fine, believe me."

Ziva hesitated and thought about it. She did not want to take a girl with her. She didn't want anybody else than herself in her home. She wanted to sleep as good as she could and wasn't interested in sharing the safety of being all alone with someone else.

"I'll do it if child service is okay if it", she agreed, slowly nodding, "but I don't feel comfortable with this. I'm not that much of a.. you know, family type any longer. And I'm far better in killing than I am in protecting. But.. if my trouble keeps her alive I'll do that, sure."

"Thank you, Ziva", Tony saied honestly and grined broadly at her, "and as far as I'm concerned I believe you'll do great."

"I doubt that", she mumbled, too quite for Tony to hear her words, "there's reason for why I don't do those thing."


	11. Chapter 11

I felt exhausted after fighting with Gibbs. Pretty much everything tired me those days but arguing has always been harder to me than athletics. I sat in the conference room and stared at a new can of Coke I got myself from the beverage dispenser. I did not remember Gibbs being that mean to anybody and when i last met him he has certainly been nicer to the surviving dependants than he has been to me. I was curious about the reason but couldn't find an explanation. There were too many possibilities. I didn not like the military. I did not care about honor or heroism. I did not turn to him because I trusted him- I did it because I knew what happened to him. My concerns weren't really about him. I went to him because of what happened and I understood why this might not be that pleasant. Otherwise he could not know. So maybe I was just not that much of an appealing figure to him.

My cell rang again as Carry called me again. Since I didn't answer her first call she texted me a couple of times and left several messages on my mailbox. I couldn't let her wait for a response any longer. She was seriously worried about me.

"Hey Carry", I answered the call and tried to let my voice not sound as scared as I felt.

"Jesse, where have you been? The whole team was waiting for you like half an hour. There's the game-"

"I'm sorry, Carry", apologized and honestly felt that way, "I forgot there is track today."

"Never mind. Anyway - where have you been? I called at your house but someone yelled at me, I think it was your grandmother. I don't know what she said.. are you in trouble? Do you need any help?"

"I'm.. I'm fine, Carry. I'm at NCIS right now and-"

"What?"

"I need to tell you. Listen, I need to talk to you in person as quick as possible. I'm sorry for not answering your calls. I was just.. I'm okay. But everything else is somehow.. not at all."

"Can I come see you?"

"I don't know ifb they let you and I don't think they'll let me go outside all alone. I'll just come by as soon as possible, I promise."

"Can.. I do anything for you?", she asked, almost whispered. I barely understood what she said, "I can try get in there. I could call my dad and he'll help you in there. I'm not sure if a JAG lawyer can do this bus if it's possible.. you know, he always like you to be my friend. He'd do everything to help you, you're almost like a daughter to him."

"No. But, Carry, thanks a lot for offering that."

"How is James?"

I faltered. Tears came into my eyes for the thousandth time of the day. I blanketed a sob.

"This is about James", I explained and expected to be suffocated by the words."

"Is he-?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell it you face to face. Not like that. My parents are dead, too. It's.. I don't know what to do, Carry. I got the message of my parents' death this morning. I went here to tell the Agents that something's gong on but they didn't believe me. I went home and.. I found him there. He was already dead and.. I'm still here."

I heared her loud, rampant and desperate weepning through the cell and it hurt me to hear her break down like this without being there to hold her. Carry lost her mother two years ago and I've been there for her. When my mom got that badly injured and I was afraid she might die she's been there for me. And now we both suffered any we both were all alone. That was not how it was supposed to be. That was as wrong as possible.

"I'm sorry, Jesse", she said and I could hear how she tried to choke back her tears, "I shouldn't.. he's your brother and they are your parents and.. You.. I am very sorry for your loss. Whenever you need me to help you or be there.. I'll be there. Every time of day and night. You know - sister.""I met him when I was five and a half years old. We already were friends then. He was your brother, too." I sobed a little and then suddenly paused as a hurtful thought occured to me.

Carry was my sister.

Shoot!

"You know, there is something you could do", I quickly said, "stay in your house. Please. Lock the door at night. I know it's not likely there're criminals on the base but someone has been there for James."

I hang up and jumped on my feet and left the room running as quick as I could. I had to find one of the agents. Fast.


	12. Chapter 12

I ran as if it'd be for my life. I bumped into a straner agent and a member of the cleaning crew and even though both of them tryied to stop me I didn't even care to look back or apologized. I jumped down the last seven steps of the stairway and struggeld a little when I came to stand still.

All four agents of the team -_my team, kinda- _were peresent and looked at me as I was catching breath. McGee was obviously irritated, Tony worried and maybe thinking about a movie quote that would get the clear tension off the moment, I couldn't tell what Ziva thought as her face showed no movement and I refused to even look at Gibbs.

I was surprized when he was the one to stand up first and approach me.

"What's wrong, Jessica?"

My anxiety of losing Carry conquered all my rage.

"I just talked to my best friend", I started to explain, unsure where to begin, "her.. her name is Carry Frederickson. Her father is with JAG. They live on the Base, too. She.. she tried to call me several times already but I avoided answering as long as possible. She's.. she was a friend of James as well and my first frind when I moved here with my parents. Her mom is dead but her father is awesome and.."

I didn't end the phrase. Gibbs looked at me in a way I never knew before. It took me a moment until I recognized what I would have expected last - insecurity. He seriously had no idea how to handle me. I played with the thought of telling him that he shouldn't mind our last conversation. That it all became irrelevant by now.

"Do you.. need to talk with Ducky?"

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Then coughed a little and turned all desperate again.

"Sorry", I mumbled, "that's.. it's not funny. Not at all."

"It's fine."

"It's not. But it doesn't matter, yes. The thing is.. I don't know what all this is about. Maybe someone' coming after my family. It appears to be that way. Or actually.. at least three people are out there who killed my relatives. You know - visiting three countries in one day is quite hard. However, one one those is somewhere in DC and made it to the Naval Base. So he probably just stayed there."

"You think he'll might kill more people there?"

"Yes. And specificly.. Carry is like the best person ever. She just mentioned we're like sisters. And it's true. Her and James were closest to me and I know that for James.. motives like drugs or any kind of trouble are nonsense concerning him. So it's not about the genetics. It's not about biological connection and.. I don't assume you have any ideas about the motives yet. But as long as you don't know.. I'm afraid they'll harm her, too. Or her dad or both of them. I have no idea why but.. I would be so grateful if you could send somebody to check on them."

The following, long-reigning silence hurt my ears. I saw the four agents thinking about my words, gauging if I had reason to apprehand danger.

Gibbs nodded to McGee who started searching for something in the computer system. Not even half a minute later he telephone handset, calling at Carry's. I noticed a thin line of worry flushing over his face.

"Would Carry be home by that time of day?"

"I.. I don't know what time it is. But she called me from fixed lane a few minutes ago."

"Well, nobody's picking up, I only got the answering machine."

I looked at Gibbs again and didn't try to hide my worries from him.

"Something's wrong. I know it."

He nodded and went straight to the elevator.

"McGee, come on with me!", he called over his shoulder and the younger agent hurried to grap his gear and catch up to his boss.

I stood in the middle of the four desks and suddenly felt very lost after submitting what I cared about.

"Just sit down at McGee's place", Tony suggested, "I bet he'll be okay with it."

"Are you sure? I doubt he'd like others to be there. It.. not for public, you know. I don't want annoy him."

"You're about to steal any classified information?", he asked and smiled brightly.

"Sure", I answered sarcasticly, "I'm secretly working for VEVAK, you know."

"Then it's all fine. VEVAK wouldn't dare taking on with Ziva again."

I glanced at the woman who only sat and observed me. She did not react to Tony's words. Maybe a little smile. I couldn't interpretate.

I sat down and waited restless. I clasped my hands into each other and stared at the phone like people under hypnosis or those suffering from some obsessive disorders may do.

When the phone on Ziva's desk rang I stood up as I felt a huge tension going thorugh every limb of my body. She showed no sign of who the caller was but I knew it was Gibbs or McGee. I knew.


	13. Chapter 13

I usually loved to run. It was my solution for everything. I liked debating as well - it was what I tried before running. Actually, I was okay with almost everything.

I never hit a person so far, though. Once, when I've still been in second grade, a couple of girls from Junior High ambushed me in order to get the money I had with me. I warned them, tried to talk them out of the idea to rob me. Of course my plan failed. So I truned around and ran as fast as I could. Self-Proclaimed I wasn't fast enough. And when they closed in to me I had no better idea than _not_ letting them take my money. It wasn't even a high sum.

However, I took the six quater Dollars out of my pockets, took a deap breath and swallowed them one coin at a time. But the shock effect lasted only for a couple of seconds and I could still feel how the last Dollar went hurtful down my throat as the oldest girl grabbed me to punch me in the face while strongest girl kicked me in the abdomen. I got unconscious right away and sunk in resful darkness, but eventually they hit me for a couple of minutes until a neighbor noticed what was going on outisde. I found mysefl waking up in hospital, my grandmother sleeping in a chair next to my bed. I spent the rest of the week in hospital and during this time the presence of my grandparents wasn't as unpleasent as usual. Carry and her mom came to visit me at least twice a day and when her dad came back to the Base they came as a family. My parents were both abroad but somehow Carry's family made it possible to borrow a sattelite telephone.

I never cared about finding the money. And even though I got beaten up by a bunch of girls and ran away as a coward -not a marine's child- would do I was proud whenever I saw one of the girls spending money on something and I could think _You did not get it from me. And you won't dare trying again._

This was rather because I refused to report the attack to the police but made clear I would do it if they ever offended me again. Not only would I turn them in for the reputition - I had a copy of the papers about me they filled out in the ER and some pictures that were routinly taking of those who were possible victims of abuse. And last but not least I would make every other student who had to gave them money or whom they just wanted to beat a little because it was oh-so-funny, report to the police.

Well, they did not harm me again. Frightening them to ruin their lifes worked better than every warrant that was supposed to make them stay away from me. Nevertheless, they continued their line with other schoolmates and friends of mine - and Carry. I wasn't willing to pinch my own wellbeing on everyone else's coast. I did not report my case and I never gave the copy away to somebody. But it wasn't hard to strengthen their determination. This is how I made 15 elementary-school go to a small police presidency. I don't know what happened to those girls. They got charged for robbery, bodily injury, blackmailing and threatening on the other's lives. I didn't spare a thought about them.

* * *

At first, I couldn't hear anything but my own, heavy breath and the loud swoosh my blood made as it pulsed though my venes. My thoughts screeming at me in anger and panic. _It's fine. _It'll_ be fine. Everything's got to be FINE!_

The voice stopped at the same moment I forgot how the breathe. I couldn't. I felt a massive weight coming down on me, something choking me. I couldn't think any longer. The residue of the little awareness I had left, vanished. I felt my legs turn to Jelly. Sweat on my hands. Maybe I was shaking, I can't remember. But inside I was a mess right away.

I became unstable and probably passed out but somebody catched me before I hit the ground.

"Oh my gosh, what's happening?", I heared Tony exclaim from far away. His voice did not sound cool. relaxed, funny or ironic. His shock would have taken all my hope if there would've been any hope left.

"I believe she's having a panick attack", Ziva responded and her voice was so near to my right ear that she had to be the one who kept me from collapsing to the ground.

"Wha- what do we do? Should we bring her somewhere. I.. I can do that, sure-"

"Tony!", she interrupted him sharply and then immediatly sounded seasoned and as self-controlled as before, "she's not gonna calm down with you being like that. I got her. She's gonna be fine but you can go get Ducky up here. She needs.. I don't know if there's anything to help her. But she should be allright in at least half an hour. Trust me - if it's panic she'll get over it. It's unpleasent but could be worse."

Tony did not challenge her words. I heared him walk away and slowly returned to clear thinking. I half lay, half sat at the ground and Ziva, who had clamped my shoulders and spinal to make me slowly sit on the ground, was now perding next to me, holding me to keep me up.

I blinked a few times and for a moment I wondered where I was and what I wanted in here. I was sitting on the ground next to a woman whom I thought looked scary earlier that day. Those were happy moments. When everything came back to me I felt as if I'd drown under a cold wave. Tears came into my eyes and I turned right to wrap my arms around her. I barely noticed that she tensed up under my touch. Then I felt a hand on my back that probablxy tried to comfort me. I didn't care.

This was the time I realized that peace or mercy or running away wouldn't be first choice any longer. I wouldn't hold still and watching other people getting destroyed. I wouldn't let anyone hit me again and I wouldn't be afraid of hitting someone else.

Never again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey there! **

**I thought it was time to give a thanks to all the nice reviews I got from 'vampiremuggle' and 'BlooAngels'. I really appreciate them.**

**I know I'm making quite a few mistakes in grammar and spelling. However, for some reason my spellckeck doesn't work when I try to switch it to english. It keeps highlighting everything as 'wrong', even though I know that I'm spelling at least a few words right.**

**To a misterious reviewer calling himself (/herself, I don't know) 'night owl': Don't get me wrong. I accept your criticism as well and will continue to do my best when it comes to the use of english language. However, I doubt that it's really _that_ bad. I don't really know what exactly you think is not understandable (at all.. I guess some things are quite hard to follow when the expressions are.. crippled) but I know that my english skills are at least okay. Not the best - but for sure they are understandable. :) ..however - thanks to you as well.**

**Every review is always welcome.**

* * *

Ducky arrived when Jessica -as far as Ziva could judge her state of health- was fine again. When Tony came back he had helped her making the girl sit on McGees chair and even reasoned her into taking a drink of water. By now Jessica was pale, trembling and weeping - but after all she seemed to be stable. Tony pulled his own chair over to sit next to her while Ziva backtracked as soon as possible. When she saw Ducky coming she walked right to him so they would be able to talk about Jessica without having her listen to every word.

"Did Tony tell you what happened?", she started immediatly, ignoring the common phrases of civility.

"It's quite possible but I'm afraid I only understood it was important. Tony appeared.. troubled to me. It certainly confused him very much."

"What did he tell you?", Ziva asked, unsure whether she was more ittitated or stirred by Tony's emotional reaction to Jessica's breakdown.

Ducky smiled the way he always did and Ziva couldn't help but emulated his deeds.

"Apparently she's having an, ehm.. I believe he used the term _fright stroke. _But I have faith he knows better when he calms down."

"I believe she had a panik attack", Ziva explained factual and fast, "she passed out for a few seconds but I caught her. I think she's okay for now. Maybe this won't be her last attack. But.. I hope she's fine. She appears to be right now."

Ducky craned his head to sneak a peek on Jessica and looked at a picture of misery.

"She doesn't look as if she's be okay, Ziva", he sayed in a curious intonation. Ziva showed no reaction to it. It wasn't the first time Ducky came to find her perception weird, cold or unintelligible. She learned to ignore it and he knew that she cared more than what was written over her face.

"Physically she is. She's only sad."

"I know about her parents and the boy. What happened that made her break down right now?"

"Her best friend and this friend's father are both not at their house. Instead they found an unidentified body there. I didn't tell her yet but.. McGee said it looked very similar to the parents. Something weird is going on and since she woke up this morning the only thing that happened to her was losing every single loved one. I believe what she feels is.. indescribable aloneness. The essence of desperation."

Ducky nodded to Ziva and then walked up to Jessica and Tony. Tony stood up from his chair to let Ducky take a seat. Jessica looked at him for about a second and then stared at her hands.

"Jesse?", Ducky asked.

She gave no response and kept staring.

"Tony and Ziva asked me to look for you again. They told me what just happened."

Again - she didn't answer. Ducky carefully put his hand on her wrist. She winced and broke away from his touch.

"I'm sorry, dear. But you see - both of them are very worried about you. I only want to check for your pulse. Would you let me do this, please? We want to know how you are. Nobody's gonna harm you."

"Okay", she said and finally Ducky could check for her pulse.

"A little fast, but that's understandable. Nothing dangerous. You should get some rest, though."

"I don't think I can."

"I understand. But you should at least try. And if you fall asleep for only half an hour - as long as it prevents you from breaking down it's fine. Just try. You need it."

He turned around to Tony and Ziva who carefully observed him.

"Do you already know where she's going to stay?"

"We called at the protectory-", Tony began to explain but Jessica interrupted him roughly.

"I will not leave, I can't go away. You can't send me to that place. Not now when there's-"

"Calm down, we're not gonna send you there", Tony quickly continued, "we called to tell them that NCIS is taking you in preventive custody. Ziva will take you with her, you two are stopping by at your grandparent's house so you can take a few things with you. You grandparent's won't be there, they told us they'd stay in a Hotel until this is over."

Jessica eyed Ziva suspiciously.

"And when someone's trying to kill me - what are you going to do?"

"I'll do what I have to."

"What is it you'll have to do in case this would be necessary?"

Ziva squinted a couple of times while trying to figure out what Jessica expected her to answer. Maybe she wanted to learn about some bloody details assuring her that she was with a woman who wouldn't hesitate to save her life by all available means. Maybe she wanted a demonstration and throwing a knife on a random target -such as one of the photos of the NCIS Most Wanteds- would make her calm down already.

However, the rest of the team wouldn't be fine with none of those possibilities and especially Ducky would be beyond all measure dissatisfied with her.

"I have many years of experience and many of them have been harder than the next days are going to be. I..went through things I never thought I'd be able to survive and you can trust me when I say that I'll make sure you'll survive the upcoming days or weeks. I will not fail. Trust me. It's not gonna be that hard."

Ziva's voice turned a little icy but nobody noticed. She hawked shortly and imperceptibly shook her head.

"You're not getting specific, are you?"

"I can't tell what's coming but I can assure you that I'm going to do my very best. And that's, even though it sounds like self-laudation, better than the skills of every other NCIS agent. My life isn't directly save. But yours will be saver when you come with me."

"I though.. maybe they are terrorists? Because of the military? I know that my parents worked at some spurious stuff. I told you my dad never told me where he was and my mom.. well, I know she got high salary and before she got injured she worked on some projects she never wanted to tell me about. I don't know why terroristst would simply kill them and not try to get information. Or why they'd be interested in killing James after they killed my parents. But.. however. You sure you're able to fight them?"

"I've been dealing with worse. Don't worry about terrorism. That's child's play."

"What if those people are specifily coming after me? Than you'd be number one for them to kill."

"Whatever they plan is going to perish. Contract killers do it for money. No passion. No dedication. Vengeance, on the other hand, might be sweet but it's blinding. Same thing with hate. And if all your loved ones are killed.. well, than it's gotta be some of those reasons. I don't see any other motive. So whatever it is why someone should try to kill you - I'll win. Imma kick their asses before they even realize what's going on."

"You truely have faith in yourself."

"Time has shown how far I can go until I hit the brekky wall. It takes a lot until I get there!

Silence filled the room as Jessica was measuring out whether she was willing to trust Ziva or not. Then she slowly got up and a short snigger came over her lips as she noticed the mistake. She did not pay attention to it before but now that she made her decision she simply had to chuckle at the woman who percolated that she was totally ninja and struggled with septum of breakfast st the same time.

"OKay then", Jessica finally agreed, "I'll go with you. But you better be true to your word."

* * *

**Oh man, what a crappy chapter. To be honest - I wasn't sure what to write. I only felt like writing a little so those were basically the first things coming up to my mind that somehow fit in the storyline. btw - I know at least in broad outline how this story is going to end. But the exact ways and details are kinda surprizing to me as well. lol**


	15. Chapter 15

I never felt comfortable being in other people's homes. It was as if I would be destroying every bit of privacy with simply sitting on the couch. I knew it had nothing to do with being unwanted. I knew Carry liked me to stay with her just as much as I enjoyed having her over. I just felt terribly when using something that did not belong to me, when showering under a shower head that wasn't mind or when eating from a stranger's plate. It simply appeared to be wrong to me. None of my stuff.

Now Ziva dropped my carryall on the bed in a spare bedroom while I stood at the door sill and suspicously observed the place where I would stay overnight. It was modest but still kinda nice. The wallpaper was cream-colored and covered with subtle floral patterns. Dresser and bed were both made of simple dark wood. There wasn't anything else in the room but I thought it looked nice just the way it was. Yet I felt weird.

I was glad that I didn't had to stay at a protectory but I would have prefered sleeping at the floor at NCIS if they would have let me. I would have felt safe, even though everyone assured me that wherever Ziva was was the safest place to stay. And I wouldn't have disturbed anything.

She turned around and gave me a worried smile.

"I actually never had anyone stay in that bed so I don't know how comfortable it is."

"Oh, it'll be fine", I saied and tried to smile as well but I could feel I failed.

She left the room and I followed her. The living room was rambling and the establishment very tasty. She stopped in the middle of the room and looked at me again.

"Back there", she explained and pointed at one door, "is the bathroom. The kitchen is over there. Feel free to get whatever you need from the fridge. But I'm afraid I don't have that much in there right now. I don't spend a lot of time at my appartment. Do you want to eat something?"

"No, thanks. I don't need anything."

"Ducky said you shoud eat. I really don't want you to break down again." She sounded worried.

"But I'm not hungry", I insisted, "really, I'm not."

She sighted and softly pushed my shoulder until I sat down on the couch.

"What's your favourite thing to eat?"

"I guess.. Pizza, but I d-"

"What kind of pizza do you like best?"

"Ehm.. Artichoke is quite good."

That was Carry's favourite, not mine. I realized it too late and immediatly had to hiner a sob from coming over my lips. I missed her so terribly..

Ziva smiled and took our her cell.

"I know a nice pizza service. I'll get you an Artichoke and myself.. hm, I think I didn't had mozzarella tomato for quite a while. People never want to eat when they feel bad. But it's necessary."

"I'll be fine, really. I'm not-"

"I refused to eat even though I was starving, underweight and nauseous of hunger. I just didn't notice. There are many burdens people have to bear during somwe times. And then it's other people's turn to just make them eat something. It's like a responsibility. You'll feel better when you're eating, trust me. And I am the one who's obligation is to make you feel better now. It doesn't sound as if it's going to help, I know. But the strange thing is.. it _does_ help. It's undenyable - you'll fell better. Promise."

"That's very kind but still, I don't need-"

"_Yes_, you do. I can tell. And while I'm ordering some food you should take a shower. No offense - but you need one. There's blood in your hair and-"

She paused for a second and looked at me with a mixture of regret and attention.

"I shouldn't have told you that, right? It's.. ehm, it's fine if you don't want to wash out your brothers blood or anything. Just.. try to realx a little. Stay calm. Don't forget to breathe-"

"It's fine", I interrupted and wrested a smile from myself, "I'm not going to break down again."

She sighted facilitated and I went back to the spare room to get my things for showering.

I cried a little as I felt the toasty water running down my body. Only for a couple of seconds the white shower tray turned red and I washed the remains of James out of my hair and from my skin. It quickly vansihed through the plug hole while I missed James as strong as never before. I hurried to get out of there as soon as possible.

When I looked into the mirror I was horrified by how tired, how small and pale, how desperate I looked. And even though I felt exactly as alone as the mirror image of an irony-white skinned girl with wet black her and a scared look in her eyes implyed, I felt not as _bad _as everyone who saw me would assume. I put on some make-up, only what I thought was necessary to make me appear sane and stable.

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**a/n: haha, I'm sorry this chapter kinda sucked and is overfilled with eating-philosophy. I admit it - I love good food, Artichoke & Tomato Mozzarella are my favourite pizzas & I forget to eat when I am like _really_ sad. I should stop with writing that kind of stuff down.. however, I hope I'll actually get to write something that makes the story go forward within the next chapters.**

**Thanks again for the reviews**

**& to everyone else who reads this but didn't write a review yet - feel free tob leave as many as you want & in case you don't want to write one - I don't care! Hurry up and write something! ;D**


	16. Chapter 16

**I found that since I set Ziva & Gibbs the two be main characters of this story I should write something connected to Gibbs. I totally forgot about him after the rather bad start he got in the first few chapters. But since everybody loves Gibbs (or should) he's now going to become an actual part of this story. Wow, I finally manage to make my own story fit my own criterias.. I'm so awesome! ;D**

* * *

_She is just like I am._

Gibbs shook his head as he tried to get the thought out of his mind. He angrily drank a bit of his coffee and sighted as he felt the hot, bitter brew-up running down his throat.

_It's a coincidence_ he told himself, _it doesn't mean anything. _

But Gibbs knew he was betraying himself. He couldn't deny one of his oldest principles.

_There is no such a thing as a coincidence. It's not fortuity that she's just like me._

But what was it then? He didn't believe in fate either. And since she asked particularly for him and refused talking to Ziva before it was even more unlikely. She did not ask for him just because she knew his name. If it would have been about that she'd have been asking for Tony. He knew she liked him. And maybe talking to him would have been easier. Maybe he wouldn't have made the same mistake...

_She wanted me because she knows._

But that was impossible. How could she? He remembered her, even though those memories were old, not too detailed. Dead marine. Shot in front of the Washington Monument in the middle of the night. Three marines and a young girl present. One of them turned out to be the murderer. Three days to solve the case. Another one to get done with the reports. Jessica saw very little of what happened. He talked to her only once. About nothing really.

_No way she knows!_

But somehow she did. She knew what he succesfully kept a secret for years. He had to be in a coma before telling anyone. She went to High School. She lived with her grandparents. She used to watch movies with her best friend and her developmentally challenged brother. Nothing of what she used to do could have given her this information. Her parents were far away and too well trained to accidentally let confidential information slip through. And anyway, why should they have known? And even if they had - why would they have cared? She was a _kid_ and right now so lost that she seemed to be more of a child than a teenager.

_Children don't get that kind of knowledge._ ..._but she did._

"Hey Boss, you're still here?"

Gibbs hadn't noticed McGee returning from Abby's lab.

"Any progress?", he asked and took another swig from his foam cup.

"Not at all", McGee negated resignedly, "remember when we hacked the Pentagon? That was a lot easier. We know that Jessica's mother has been working on some stuff that's _got to be_ related to technology - but we can't find the computer. Seriously, there's no sign of any kind of technology but it's pretty much impossible to get along without one. We made it in the files of the kitchen and found some recipies that might be okay to eat at a diner but gonna be aweful to eat at a military canteen kitchen."

"Any ways to figure out what they did?"

"We could ask. Or well, we already did but they wouldn't tell us anything. Maybe Tony was right and you shoudl try to pull some strings. But since they killed her brother it's unlikely that the killings are connected to military secrets. James didn't knew any, he already had trouble remembering his way home."

"Killing all of them could be a cover-up. Makes the whole thing look like a family feud rather than an act of sabotage or espionage."

"However, we'll keep trying to figure out as much as possible, even though the odds are long."

He paused and looked around.

"The others already left?"

"Ziva is taking Jessica with her and-"

"You sure that's a good idea?", McGee interrupted, not even trying to hide his surprise.

"Do you know a better place for a possible attack target to stay? She's going to survive the night. Then we'll try that she makes it through the next day and then.. we'll see."

"Yes, right. It's just.. don't you think they'll have a hard time together?"

"Why would I?"

"Because.. it's just.. Ziva is very-", McGee tried to explain and then decided to simply put it in a nutshell, "Jessica lost very much today and Ziva certainly never _means_ to be that way.. but she's not exactly a sensitive person and Jessica might not be that tough."

"I'm convinced they'll manage all right."

"I hope so."

McGee sat down at his desk but didn't knew what to do. There wasn't any work left. Everything they tried turned out to be not working and now the only thing he could do was to look for other points to work on. They'd need Jessica and every other person who was close to James or her partents. It was too late to call them and Jessica was too weak as if it would have been smart to question her.

"Ehm.. Boss?"

"Just go home", Gibbs said and seemed to be absorbed in thoughts again, "I sended DiNozzo home as well. There isn't anything you could do tonight."

"Night, Boss."

But Gibbs didn't pay attention as McGee left. His thoughts went already back to Jessica and suddenly he was close to hoping that her appearance _was_ a coincidence. That she didn't knew anything but asked for him because she remembered him being the leader of a team that she witnessed solving a case once. Maybe it was her first thought after she lost her family. Turning to what she knew at least a little bit. Maybe it had nothing to do with him. Maybe it had nothing to do with _them._

_...and maybe it has._

Gibbs sighted, stood up and waited for the elevator to stop. He couldn't know and as long as he knew that he wouldn't get much sleep until he did.


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay, so here's the next chapter & again it's overfilled with maudlin and mistakes. Sorry it took me so long to continue writing.**

**I've been kinda busy with reading another fanfiction that totally got me. It's called "A New Normal" by kdzl. It's about human trafficing, a subject that I already read a lot about (and I donated once ^^). It's a Criminal Minds fanfiction but way better. So.. yeah. Just wanted to give that the deep ten.**

**And because I'm going to school 36 hours a week & have tests and all that stuff going on it'll take a little longer for me to write things. I'm writing most of this at the weekends. :)**

**However, that's the new chapter. Reviews & criticism are very welcome. Thank's for every review I got already. **

**~ AJ**

* * *

I took the smallest bites possible from my pizza as I attempted to ate it, still hoping that Ziva would stop making my eat. But whenever I stopped chewing and did what was the most pleasent thing for me to do -just stare around and imagine hgow everything could have been different- she reminded me of taking another bite until I finished a whole slice.

The pizza she got me was small but, even though I wouldn't admit it to her. delicious. I always liked but never loved Artichoke but this one tasted better than every other pizza I had so far. I took the second slice without being asked to and ate the thrid, fourth and fifth one in pure enjoyment.

I didn't notice her watching me until I finished and put down the glass of Coke I've been drinking from. She gave me a warm smile and I could see how glad she was that I ate something. I returned the smile and felt good. I felt safe, satiated and even a bit enthusiastic. If a simple pizza could solve so many problems - how many problems then could four agents solve? I was positive they would find Carry and her father and they would find the people who killed mom, dad and James as well. They would find them and bring them behind bars and maybe they would even make them get the lethal injection.

"Thank you", I said, "this was good."

"I'm glad you feel better now."

"Regarding the situation now.. it might not take a happy ending but it's not going to be as bad as I imagined. As long as you don't find Carry dead there is a chance that everything's gonna be.. just fine."

"We'll do our best to find them", she said, giving the respone law enforcement officers gave to almost everybody concerning those issues. She noticed that I noticed and grimaced shortly. "Seriously, we always do our best and it turns out to be quite good most of the time. I hope your friend and her father are gonna be okay."

I shuddered when I imagined how my life would be without Carry and my enthusiasm vanished.

"I'm so scared of losing her", I spoke under my breath, "she's the only one I have left. Without her.. I wouldn't even know how to _be_. I can't remain behind, I-"

"Don't worry about this, Jessica. If anybody can find her it's us."

"Maybe nobody can find her ever."

"You're gonna be okay."

Her answer made me pause for a little while. I noticed english wasn't her native language. Maybe she just made a mistake and switched _she_ and _you_? Those mistakes happened to everyone. It was late and probably had been a hard day for her, too. I didn't know. Tiredness distracted one's awareness. But she didn't correct herself and I realized that she said exactly what she meant to say. _I_ was gonna be okay. She refused to give me the assurance of Carry's life. Sure she did.

"How should this possibly be?", I asked and silently shook my head. There was no I without Carry.

"At first, it _always_ seems to be impossible. But it never is and you'll realize that you'll be able to move on. People can take more than they think they're capable of. They underestimate themselfes. You are certainly doing this. You'll see that you'll turn out fine, Jessica."

"I doubt that."

"Well, I don't."

For a couple of minutes we only sat towards each other. The Ziva stood up and took the empty pizza boxes to the kitchen before I could stand up to help her. She came back with a bag of chips that she dropped on the table. She slumped on the couch in a way I would never have expected her to do. She seemed to be very controled and according to everyone I talked to a perfect super-fighter. I blanked a snicker as I saw her hanging on the couch that lazy.

"In case you want some", she remarked and smiled, "just take a few. I'm definitly going to. Do you want to watch TV? The news, a show, a movie?"

"There isn't anything good on that late."

"Wanna watch a DVD? I've got a couple. I wouldn't have expected to ever learn anything from Tony but his addiction kinda rubbed off on me. I'm not as reeky as he is but.. there are some."

"Freaky", I corrected before I could supress it. Maybe she would feel offended?

"What?"

"Reeky means steaming. Freaky is more like.. hm, wacko?"

She laughed and shook her head the same time.

"I'll never get all of this right. But I became better already, believe me."

"Where are you from?"

"Tel Aviv."

"Israel? That's cool. Must be a nice country."

"Ehm.. you don't wantch the news too often, do you?"

"I met a man a few years ago who went to Georgetown University. His name was Michael, I think he was like.. in the early twenties. I don't really know. He got the _Bagrut_. His parents lived in Jerusalem but after he finsihed school there he wanted to go back to the states. There he hit me with his car and we ended up sitting in there, getting burgers from a McDonalds drive through and we were just.. having a fun day, even though we were of very different ages. He told me how he lived in Israel and I think it sounds beautiful. I know taht there are mayn conflicts and everything.. but no, I don't know that much about it. I only want to go there and see everything by myself."

"I'm sure you'll be able to go there someday."

"How can you be a federal agent?"

"I'm an american citizen since almost a year by now."

"Why?"

She almost seemed to squirm with hesitation as she thought about telling me.

"I just.. I belong more to the USA than I belong to Israel."

"I thought yo said you'd work with Gibbs for longer than one year."

"I cooperated with NCIS before. I worked for israeli government."

"And then you just decided to walk away from.. wow, even _government_."

"I guess it was time to leave. I did this for family. Now I'm here and that's what makes me happy every morning I wake up. Israel is indeed beautiful in some ways but I found was I was looking for here and I couldn't get something better at any place."

Again, there was only silence while we both sat staring at the black TV screen.

"Do you have _Saving Private Ryan_?", I asked her and she got up the get the DVD from a shelf. We started watching the movie and I felt desperately sad while Tom Hanks and his crew went to search James Ryan in France.

"I miss himI whispered, more to myself that to Ziva. A long time she didn't answer while watching the soliders searching in a small sack for James Ryan's dig tag while the overleafing soliders got angry at them.

"Me too."


	18. Chapter 18

**Here comes the new chapter. It's a little.. ah, lets just say I needed to bring the story a little forward.**

**You might have noticed that I changed the title from _WarBlinded_ to _When War Blinded_. I'm bad in creating titles but I just felt I needed to change it because the old one kinda sucked. Please tell me what you think about the new one or suggest othet titles that would fit the story.**

**I already remarked that I do not own NCIS. Now, I don't own any of the movies mentioned (I believe those were: Dr. Strangelove, Saving Private Ryan, The Jungle Book, Some like it Hot) and of course I don't own the songs (Brand New day by Ryan Star, Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple, Keep on Trying by Poco, Axel F (beverly Hills Cop) Theme by Harold Faltermeyer) either. But I would like to. If you own them - I always take presents. ;)**

**& because I forgot to explain this one in the last chapter - the _Bagrut_ I mentioned is like the highest type of graduation you can get in israeli school. It's about equal to the german _Abitur_ ot the austrian _Matura_. Those, in turn, are not to be seen as equals to the High School Diploma since this is easier to get.**

**So that's about it. And again: I'm grateful for every single review I get. Don't hesitate - just comment! ;D**

* * *

_Jesse? Why did you hang up? IS anything wrong with you? Please, call me back as soon as possible. You know I'll be there for you. You're gonna be fine. I'll do my best heliping you. Promise, sweetheart._

* * *

_Jesse? Okay, maybe you can't call me back right now. But as soon as you're listening to this - give me a call, honey! Sorry, forgot to say this earlier. Dad will help you if you need a lawyer. Trust me. It's gonna be okay. We'll make it through this all together._

* * *

_Jesse? Something is wrong, I believe. I do't mean to scare you but I think I just saw someone sneeking around the house and after what you told me.. oh my gosh, Jesse, why arent you answering? Are you in any more trouble than you told me? Please, Jesse, I'm so scared. I'm so worried something is happening to you. Why don't you aswer my calls? Recall. I beg you. Don't leave me in the dark about everything. Just.. well, hear from you later. I just wanted to tell you that-_

* * *

_Jesse? It's really wrong right now. Somebody is inside the house. Other than me and dad. I know. You're at NCIS. tell them, please, Jesse, make them send us some help down here-!_

* * *

_Jesse? It's Richard. I need you to listen to me. Carry told me what happened. I would love to help you but.. right now it looks as if we'd need your help. Carry and I.. I believe we somehow got in huge trouble. I don't know where we are. They took her cell, so please don't call that number. We're fine but they might find my cell in a short while. So.. I don't know where we are. It's dark all around. The walls ar wet. Maybe a storage or a basement we're in. Don't know. The ride has been half an hour long. We were in a Van. Tell NCIS to search in the corresponding radius. They didn't tell us what they want but there are at least three of them. All men. They are tall, wearing black masks but one of them has an infected eye, it's bright red. And I could see a bit of one's hair. Darkish brown. I know, not uncommon._

_They just seperated me from Carry. So.. when going in here after they found us they need to be careful. Whatever they want - you can't risk having Carry killed._

_I need you to remember one thing more than anything else - in case only one of us can be safed I want NCIS to let Carry be that one and let me die. It's the only important thing, understand, Jesse? Whatever happens, they cannot risk Carry's life. If she dies and I live I'm going to die the next morning. Tell them. Make them not forget but respect that one thing._

_I hope you're doing alright Jesse. We'll be there for you when all this is over. But right now.. we need your help and the help of NCIS. Tell them as soon as you hear this. Just.. please, would you do that?_

* * *

_Hey Jesse. Got your number from the call repitition from that little bitch's cell. Nice to be able to talk to you. Or maybe in a while. Just wanted to let you know that I saw your mom's body getting ripped in pieces when I blew up that damn Pick-Up she sat in. Sweet play of colors. I'm hoping for you to join one day. That would be fun, don't you think? I still regret I missed you dad's end but the biggest tragedy is I couldn't watch you hugging dead James' body. Joe told me it was heart-wrenching and I'm a fan of tear-jerking movies so.. yeah, that would have been amazing. A picture of real-life tragedy. I'm looking forward to see you, by the way. And I'm pretty confident you're feeling the same way. Stay ston, sweetie. Your two friends in here do pretty well. Almost arrogant, this fucking bitch and her daddy. However.. keep your head up, young lady. See ya'._

* * *

_Jesse? It's Richard. I still got the cell and since you need as much info as possible.. I think one of the man is called 'Hank'. And there's a fourth one. He's old, I assume he's the brain of the whole group. If I don't make it out of here alive but Carry does I need you to tell her again how much I love her and she shoudln't be too sad about losing me because that's the way I wanted it to be! I need you to tell her that she means the world to me and that she's in so many ways like her mom was and that I need her to stay strong and just stay as happy as her mom used to be, even though she lost her parents at about the same age. Please. Tell my little girl I love her. I.. love her more than anything on the world. Please do that. Please, jesse. Please._

* * *

My cell rang again and again, playing _Brand New day_ as Carry called, _Smoke on the Water_ whenever her father tried to reach me and the _Beverly Hills Cop_ theme as I got the call from the man I never heard of.

I, meavewhile, slept deep and according to circumstances quite and peaceful at Ziva's spare room, not knowing that voicemails that were the messages of a matter of life and death were coming in. My cell lay at the polished tabletop at NCIS' conference room where I forgot it when hurrying to tell the team my friend might be in danger.

And when I woke up only for a couple of seconds at 0230 I could not hear how my cell started to play _Keep on Trying_.

_Jessica, love. I am so sorry for never being there for you. I want you to know I love you. You are my one and only and I am so proud of you. I am so proud of you being my daughter and I regret very much not being there for you right now to just hold you and be a father to you. Always remember I love you, sweetie. I love you, I love you, I love you, I lo-_ *gunshot*

I dreamed of nutterbutters and marshmallow fluff. I dreamed of the Disney movie _The Jungle Book_ that I used to love when I was little. I dreamed from my parents being gone, from watching _Saving Private Ryan_ with James and from watching _Some Like It Hot _which I watched all together with Carry and James at our last sleepover. I dreamed of so many things.

The only thing I did not dream about was my dad telling me he loved me before getting killed.

* * *

**Sorry, I forgot: Richard is Carry's father but I don't know if I gave him a first name earlier. So if I did & you remember - please tell me & I'll change it. I know I should pay more attention to what I write but I'm currently writing on some personal things and I tend to mess up names all the time. I mean.. not only in storys, it's a tendency I have in real life even stronger. ;D**


	19. Chapter 19

**New Chapter! :D**

**But if you want to read something that brings the story kinda forward.. this is not the right place for you. I promise I'll write something that matters in the next chapter but this one is.. well, irrelevant. Skip it if you want. YOu won't be missing anything important.**

**Snce I still don't know whether I have to put the disclaimer at the beginning of every chapter (even though it should be enough to post it just once in each story. It's not as if the copyrights would change within the chapter, right?) I'll just repeat: No, I still don't own NCIS. Maybe I'll buy it when I'm rich but as long as I am not I'll keep stating this depressing fact. **

**Thanks again for the reviews. Or actually one review about the last chapter written by vampiremuggle. They always make my day!**

* * *

I woke up early in the morning when I heared the shower going. A tired glance at the wristwatch, that I had placed next to me for the night, told me that it was only about 0630. On regular school days I had to get up at 0700 and plenty of time until I had to leave for school about 50 minutes later. I was a late riser, slow, not talkative at all and barely able to walk until I had a bowl of cereal or any other thing that was edible in any way.

I decided it was time to get up, too and quickly got dressed and, just in case Ziva would leave that early to work, ready to go back to NCIS headquaters. I took a deap breath and even though I still was physically and mentally dead I tried to find a residual of energy somewhere. How could my body and mind only get activated by food?

Ziva and I entered the living room at almost the same exact time. She smiled at me but was obvioulsy not sure about what to say. I felt the same way. The both of us didn't know what to say to an almost complete stranger that early in the morning.

"Good morning, Jessica."

"Good morning."

"How was your night?", she asked awkwardly, "did you sleep okay?"

"I slept very good, thanks. How was yours?"

"Can't complain."

We stared at each other for a couple of seconds and then both bursted out laughing.

"You always get up that early?"

"Earlier, actually. I've already been outside running a couple of miles."

At first I barely believed it but then I totally did. She didn't look exactly dangerous but not harmless either. Still it must have been impossible for anybody to not underestimate was just supporting the whole ninja-thing. She could have told me she was doing a bungeejump every morning - I wouldn't have recognized it as something that was not true.

"Oh my gosh, how do you do this? You must have been getting up at like.. four? Four thirty maybe?"

"I grew up with getting up early. It's an old habit I can't get rid of. Same as biting nails or whatever. And I learned to like it. It gives me energy for the day. And since nothing happened this night any my apartment is appareled with the best alarm system I could find I figured it was safe to leave you here for a little while. I stayed very close. As soon as someone tries getting in here I get an alarm on my cell and this morning I could have been here in.. about a minute. Maybe less. Were you scared? I.. I didn't really think about this. It's just my start of the day, but I can use the treadmill if you don't feel safe being alone-"

I didn't mean to make her being worried about me and felt a touch of panic begin to take a root as I saw her thinking about changing her whole routine just because of me.

"No, that's fine. I didn't even notice and I know what you mean. I like running, too. But-"

"Oh, I didn't know! Would you have liked to join me?"

"Not that early, thanks. I'm pretty much dead afterwards. I use it to get rid of energy, not to get some. This never really worked for me. I prefere getting my energy by sleeping."

"Anyhow, what do you want for breakfast?"

I immediatly felt weird again being at her apartment, realizing that most of all I was a burden that costed her money. I already had pizza and Coke. I got Coke at NCIS, too and I did not pay for all of the cans they got me there. I used her shower and had no idea how much water I wasted. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be that much of a financial strain just because I was in trouble.

At the same time I knew she wouldn't let me leave the apartment without breakfast.

"What do you usually have?"

"Coffee and cereal with some fruits. I stopped by at a grocery store and now you can have apples, raspberries or bananas. I have some white bread and a little cheddar cheese left. I got some orange juice, too because I don't know what you would like to drink."

"OJ is great. Thank you."

"I found I had to prove I'm not the worst hostess ever. They'd kill me if you'd show up starving to death. So.. do you want cereal, bread or both?"

"Only cereal. And, ehm.. an apple would be nice."

She handed me a small bowl and I sat down at the small desk which stood next to the door. A package of cereal, a milk carton and a plate full of fruits already stood there. We ate in silence, no small talk left to have. Ziva got finished earlier than me and put her dishes directly into the dishwasher. I quickly finished my breakfast and did the same thing. It was only 0700.

"When do you have to show up at work?"

"Eight. But some come in late, some early. Usually late. But I believe we have some very important work to do today so we could leave in a couple minutes, if you don't mind."

* * *

This time the same man as the day before was at the security check again. He didn't recognize me and I was glad I got to pass the detectors faster with Ziva next to me. I couldn't believe only one day passed since I came here without knowing where to go, getting the kind help of Amber Sullivan. I should go and thank her again. She was the first nice person I met here and even though Ziva had been very kind, too I would always remember the woman who was nice to me without knowing what I wanted, who I was and if I had reason to be here.

Thanks to Ziva the security guy skipped asking me about my concerns and I sat behind McGee's desk only ten minutes later. Nobody else was there, but Gibbs entered the bullpen short after our arrival and I changed to Tony's desk when McGee came in. They worked silently but I noticed that all of them were averting their gaze from time to time to check on how I was doing. I felt quite awkward, as if they were babysitting me and knew they were fully aware that they couldn't openly discuss things with me being present since I proved to them that I wouldn't take any other upcoming crisis very well.

Tony was the last team member to arrive and when I saw him leaving the elevator I steped aside and Ziva got up, too. Maybe they were glad I had to leave.

"Let's find you a better place to stay, Jesse", she said and went away without giving me any further information. I hurried to follow her into the elevator.

"Can I stay with Ducky again? He was nice and I think it might be interesting watching-"

"I don't think that autopsy is a good place for you to spend the day."

"Really, I don't mind. I wouldn't touch anything, promise."

"Even if I would bring you there he'd be sending you back within seconds. He is too much of a british gentleman and a forensic psychologist to let you spend the day surrounded by corpses", she explained to me, sounding patient but decretory, "you won't stay there. But I'll tell him you would like to see him again. I'm sure he'll stop by when he has some free time."

"Then where do we go to?"

She smiled as the elevator's door opened and I followed her, quickly finding myself surrounded by chemicals, obscure but intersting looking instuments and loud music. The woman with black pigtails, a studded leather necklace and the highest platform shows I've ever seen approached me and gave me a hug before I even knew her name.

"You're Jesse, right? I'm so sorry for what happened to you _but _I promise you'll be safe here and we're going to have some fun together."

I had my doubts I was safe here, she didn't look as if she would be as trained in material arts as Ziva probably was. Nevertheless her words did make me feel better and I trusted her to not let anything bad happen. She looked dark but I felt how she filled the clean, sterile room with heartiness and warmth.

"Hi", I smiled, unsure what to say to her, "it's nice to meet you-?"

"Oh, sorry. I'm Abby. Do you like the music? I just got myself a new Caf Pow and when Ziva asked me whether she could bring you down here I got you one, too. Ever tried Caf Pow? Well, you should. It's amazing. Maybe it's as well what makes me appear hyperactive and addicted.. but it's amazing. And it's making like almost everyone conditional on it. That's why it helped us saving Ziva and that's why I love Caf Pow ever more... here, that one's for you. Enjoy. It's nice to have you here!"

I heared Ziva leaving the lab. Abby thrusted a large cup into my hand. I took a small gulp through the drinking straw and smiled when the sweet, cold fluid touched my tongue. I loved it right away.

"You're right. It tastes awesome!"

She brightly smiled at me while turning the music a little louder. I relaxed a little. Down here, life was good. And for at least a short while, everything was fine.


	20. Chapter 20

**Tadaaa! All new chapter that actually has a relevant content. Told ya! lol**

**Thanks for the two new reviews.**

**vampiremuggle:**** I'm glad you liek the awkwardness. I wasn't so sure about how to show it and how much of it should actually be there.. well, however. Thanks.**

**BlooAngels:**** You're comment made me laugh. Great Ziva-headslap. ;D**

**So.. enjoy. Review. Disclaimer the same. & if you ever happen to find the NCIS copyrights lying around somewhere.. give them to me.**

* * *

They were working in silence, each of them concentrated on their current assignment. Gibbs watched his team and allowed himself to feel a little pride. Sure, McGee had always been a little clumsy and, even though this wasn't a term Gibbs would ever use when talking to or about someone, nerdy. Tony appeared to be a playboy who knew more about actors than he knew about women and Ziva struggled with traffic regulations and idioms in everyday's life. They were kidding each other, making fun of stupid things, behaved like little children when attending meetings concerning sexual harassment -or anything else, actually- and had conversatiosn that sometimes made Gibbs doubt that they could be able to solve a case. But still they were his team and whenever it was either do or die they did amazingly great. They were all he had.

Gibbs checked whether he got any e-mails from Ducky or Abby but none of them seemed to have news. Ducky got started on the autopsy at James the day before and the remains of Jesse's parents had arrived early in the morning - since the case was a potential threat to national security even the most ponderous bureaucrats had hurried to get them to DC as soon as possible. The body found last night was still not identified.

The search for Carry or her father had been out for about half a day by now but still there were no signs of the both of them. In fact there only had been two stoned teens who told them they would have seen someone -who _definitly _looked like the girl from the news- in a flying car and a pompous woman with a fake fur coat and bleached, oily hair telling them in tears that she once has been married to Carry's father and that his hidden identity was the reason for why she left him - even though he was such a lovable man.

Considering that a minor and her dad went missing the results of the search were poor and even the amount of crazy people was remarkably low.

"Gibbs?", Ziva interrupted his thoughts. He had to blink a couple of times until he could see the woman pin sharp again. One's eyes don't really get better with age.

"You got anything, Ziva?"

"I'm not sure. Probably. I am checking all the e-mail accounts and I believe Jesse got something just two days ago. I got suspicious because it is an afghan address, even though her father only used his military address. Plus there isn't a sign of contact with his daughter within the past two months."

"So whom is it from?"

"Let me see, the account is registered to.. a man calling himself Corporal Shekib Jones."

"That sounds foreign. Where's he from?"

Ziva printed out what she found about Jones in the military database.

"35 years old, born in New York City. No notes in his file that would be reasoning agitation. His dad came from Afghanistan to work in the states but earned citizenship five years ago."

"What did he write?"

"Yeah, _that_ would indeed give reason to be agitated. It's only a few lines but.. he tells her he knows who she is, that he's a friend of her father and.. oh, _that very is going to be the reason for you to get destroyed by us. He does the right thing, all of you'll be fine. He knows the alternative. And God knows.. you're lovely mom and brother don't know about _that_ kind of a sweet surprize._"

"That sounds scary. And it's obvious a threat", Tony interposed, as he and McGee turned towards the conversation that was going to be more important than the fight with military concealment both of them were losing at the moment, "Why didn't she tell us? I mean.. the connection is fairly obvious, isn't it?"

"According to what I have here Jessica never opened it. It's understandable. She's doing track, hanging with Carry and James, probably studying. There's no need for her to check on her mails every day."

"Then why threatening her?", McGee asked, "If she would check she'd already know too much. Premised it really was Corporal Jones who wrote the mail. It would be quite unintelligent to open such an account under one's own name but using the ID of a solider would make us pick up the wrong scescent."

"Maybe they thought she could bias her dad's.. whatever decision he was about to be forced to. Even though that's unlikely. He must have been of a too great importance to change his mind for his daughter."

"I wouldn't count on that. You risk a lot when it comes to family."

"Regarding the fact that Shekib Jones told Jesse her father knew that his decision was going to mean destruction to her.. Yes, you can count on that. He was aware that whatever he did would have terrible consequences for his family. The good thing is that appearently he did the _wrong_ thing. I assume that means he did not betray his country which means that national security was an issue but isn't in danger right now. But he betrayed his family the worst way."

"McGee, check for where Jones is stationed right now", Gibbs instructed and the computer specialist did as he was told, finishing the task with pressing a key showing the results at the plasma screen.

"He currently is in.. the Bethesda Naval Hospital. Before then he was in Iraq", Gibbs read from the screen, "how is that?"

"He didn't get injured in war", McGee added, searching for further information, "His plane's aero engines failed on the way back for Bagdad and the plane had to make an emergency landing. Due to bad weather circumstances this didn't work out very well. The pilot and two passengers died. Jones got badly injured and is paraplegic and in vegetative state ever after.

"So it can't be him", Tony stated, "and someone uses his identity. I wonder.. you know how you can adjust the e-mail programm so that you get informed whether the mail gets opened? Maybe they tried to contact Jesse otherwise later because if it was about threatening her to blackmail her dad.. well, they had to make sure she got the message. Maybe they called her on fixed lane or cell?"

"I'll go check on this", McGee mumbled while quickly typing commands, "she.. well, there're just plenty of calls from, ehm, oh I see, Carry's phone. And then some last night. From.. Carry, right before we went over to their house. Then from a number that's registered to her father and.. an unknown caller. Guess we got something here. It's a perpaid number. I believe they dumped the cell by now."

"But that's too late", Ziva tossed in, "yesterday her parents were already dead and their remains in a plane back on their way to DC."

"Still it's weird. For sure something worth to check on."

"Then lets see if they left any messages."


	21. Chapter 21

**This chapter is most of all a transition. The next chapter is going to be a little more important then the next but one won't bring everything really forwards but will be written simply because of the joy of writing. *.* And for improving my english a little. ;)**

**Disclaimer is the same as always (what a shame). **

**Enjoy! (and review, please)**

* * *

"You know, I'm almost confident that you guys are gonna find Carry and Richard, Abby."

I smiled brightly while spinng around the bureau chair I sat on. Ever since I finished my second cup of Caf Pow, even though I've been with Abby for only about two hours so far, I became increasingly jittery and blithe with every gulp I took from my thrid one. Abby seemed to be quite busy and because I didn't want the easygoing feeling to vanish and leave me in emptyness again I didn't ask what she was doing. I didn't ask wheter the tissue samples she analysed came from my mom, dad or James. It was nothing I needed to know and I was happier drinking sweet, unhealthy caffein drinks while talking to a fun goth woman. I was glad Ziva didn't let me stay in autopsy. It would have ended up being a desaster.

"I really hope so", she responed and smiled, "hey Jesse, do you like horror movies?"

"Ehm.. kinda. I liked watching _Children of the Corn_. But _Saw_ and _The Human Centipede_ were aweful. It's.. a matter of taste to me. I don't think that a crazy doctor sewing together people mouth to anus and then trying to make them be his trained centipede is entertaining in any way. It's not realistic, not touching, funny, educating.. it isn't anything really. Just disgusting. This shouldn't be a criteria for a movies's success. People shouldn't like movies just because they are as gross as possible."

"_Nightmare on Elm Street_?"

"The old ones.. okay. Not too bad."

"_Unrest_?"

"That was a funny one. Remember the scene when she was like panicing and there was scary music in the background just because she was too stupid to use the body bag's zipper? It kinda was a harmless movie. We watched it with James."

"He liked movies?"

"He loved them. And when it came to PG ration he was totally according to age. He got all the movies for us from the media library we weren't allowed to watch. Do you have siblings?"

"A younger brother."

Abby checked on some of the equipment while she kept talking to me.

"So how was staying with Ziva?"

"Ehm.. I'm not sure. Good, I guess."

My answer sounded more reluctant than I meant it to, since I actually had a good night. But Abby only giggled and drank another bit of Caf Pow.

"I guess most of us would feel that way. She can be a little intimidating. But she's a wonderful person."

"No, that's not it! I mean, I don't feel intimidated. It's just.. I missed them. All of them, even though I wouldn't have expected to.. you know, miss my parents that much."

"See, I lost both my parents, too. Not at your age, but still I know how it feels to lose them. And I can promise that at some point in your life you'll think about them and you'll smile at the memory without being sad and this will make you happy. To overcome the loss of a loved one doesn't mean forgetting. It means forgetting the sadness but feeling the bliss they once brought to you. And not being sad about losing the own parents would give a rise to worry."

"But I already lost them years ago! My mom almost died. And I had hoped, I had _prayed_.. that she would lose her arm. That a doctor would come in to tell her it had to be amputated. That they would tell her she needed to get a rehab and that she'll have to use a prothesis. I know it sounds aweful, it totally is. But the only thing I ever wanted was to not be forced to stay at some crappy place whenever the Navy decided there were more important places for my parentsto go, that there were more imprtant things than christmas or birthdays. When I was younger my grandparents were.. not always such good people. They still are assholes? Sure they are. But by now they already are good ones. Instead, my parents fought in wars I don't believe in. They did horrible things while commiting me to the care of horrible people!"

I felt how my body began to shake but I didn't panic this time. My anger only got worse and worse but nothing happened besides the shaking. I formed my hands to fists while fighting my tears. They let me alone. They died because they did what I never wanted them to do. They weren't good people. They made me weak, they made me break down, they were the cause for the most horrible days of my life. They took James from me. Maybe they took Carry, too.

"I miss them so much", I sobbed while Abby enfolded me in her arms, "I only want to have them back."

"Hey Abs."

I spun around quickly when hearing Gibbs voice behind me. Shoot. Why did he had to come right now and see me like this? I quickly brushed away my tears.

"Oh, hi Gibbs", Abby greeted the Agent cheerful as always, "anything new you can tell me? Because I have nothing at all. It's kinda frustrating but well, some tests take their while so I have faith in Major Mass Spec to give me something useful later."

"Ehm, I need to to talk to Jessica for a second", Gibbs said and looked at me, "would you mind?"

"Of course not", I agreed, but my bad faith was obvious, "if there's a chance it brings you forward."

"We need your cell. Could you give it to us?"

Automatically I turned my hand to my jeans' pocket as I always did when getting a text message or call. I was quite surprized my fingers came up against flat tissue, without the usual uplift of my cell.

"I.. I don't have it with me."

"Maybe you left it at Ziva's?"

"I don't know. I can't remember using it at all after Ca-"

I interrupted myself in the middle of the sentence, partly because I felt words were about to fail me again, partly because I had to focus on what I did after this very call for a short while.

"Maybe I left it at the table in that room", I guessed rather vague, "to be honest.. I'm not so sure about the details of what I did right before.. ehm, I got somewhat unconscious.. a bit.. kinda."

Not waiting for Gibbs to answer I grapped my cup of Caf Pow, thanked Abby again and left the lab to go search for my cell where I thought it was. I hoped nobody used this room since yesterday. If they needed it I wanted to give it to them. They could have asked for my life. I would give it if it was for the least bit of a chance to find Carry and Richard.

I sighted when I saw my cell lying at the place where I assumed I left it.

"Can I touch it or is it evidence?"

"What's on there might be."

I looked at the screen. A cold shower ran down my spine.

"I missed eight calls since last night. Is it that you expected?"

He nodded. Certainly not a man of many words. I handed him the cell without questions, desperately hoping that they would be able to use whatever I got.

"Don't you want to check your mailbox?"

"Never been a fan of voicemail", I answered, forcing my lips to form a smile, "the news of technique and me.. lets just say we don't always worked out well together. Things tend to crash when I push buttoms on them so.."

"Maybe Carry called you. I don't know what Abby is going to do with your phone. I don't know whether any of this is going to get destroyed. I found that a reboot doesn't work all the time.. are you sure?"

His voice sounded calm but I could hear he cared more than he wanted to show. This surprized me since I didn't experience him to be a very sensitive man. It took me a little to realize why he told me that information might get lost. It wasn't likely to happen. But in case it did he wanted me to hear the messages so that I wouldn't miss what might be important. So that I wouldn't miss the last words of someone if they were on there. He wanted me to have last memory.

But I didn't. And I would not do this to myself right now.

"Maybe it's Carry getting killed. Richard getting killed. Someone trying to blackmail me. There are many possibilities. But that's not what I want to hear. That's not my world, Agent Gibbs, and I don't want to listen to it. Maybe later. But right now.. it might be something really, really bad. Like.. worse than hugging a dead body which already got the best from me. If it's something like that I can't take it. So.. if you find it's.. okay stuff or if you need me to listen to it for some reason.. sure, I'll do it. I'll do it sooner or later anyway. But not right now. Because even though I hate to say it - that would be too much."

He nodded shortly, took the cell and I followed him on the corridor.

"Do you need anything else or can I just go back to Abby?"

He looked at me again, observing, a little too estimating to not make me suspicious.

"Honestly, how do you feel?"

"Okay. Better than yesterday for sure. I'm most of all worried but everyone's nice. So.. yes. Okay."

I returned his look as he evaluated whether I told him the truth or not.

"Then we need you to look at something."


	22. Chapter 22

**I might need to explain some terms used in this chapter. I've been interested in weapons a couple of years ago and used to have a better understanding of what weapongs means what and does what exactly. However, I tried to reconstruct some of my knowledge and refreshed a little. It still won't be acurate but since that's a fanfiction.. well, I hope my knowledge satisfies those standarts.**

**DMR = Designated Marksman Rifle, ordinarily an ordnance weapon, "stopgap" of an assault rifle and a sniper rifle**

**CQB = Close Quaters Battle (or: CQC = Close Quaters Combat), made for fighting w/o a lot of distance, close to the enemy, sometimes hand-to-hand**

**MK 14 Enhanced Battle Rifle (EBR) = selective fire military rifle that can carry out the function of a DMR and a CQB in a combat; used by US Forced n Afghanistan and Iraq**

**I still don't own NCIS. _Plastic Death_ is, as far as I know, not a badn that really exists. But Abby mentioned it in an episode so I used that name again - I don't own that either. :/**

_I love you. I love you. I lo-_

Abby visibly winced when the chesty, soft voice found its sudden, violent end on tape. For a split second a hint of pain appeared on Gibbs' face, who stood to the left of hers, and Ducky, standing to her right, grimaced sadly. For a short while they dedicated themselfes to the tragedy it was that a father's only chance to say goodbye to his beloved daughter was to tell it to the man of whom he must have known would end his life and agonize his family.

A moment later they were professionals again. If they wanted to keep the last, except for the gradparents whom they protected slightly by positioning a cop car in front of their hotel, member of this family alive and save those who were closest to her they couldn't allow themselfes to be affected by their emotions too much. Of course it was necessary to feel with the victims because this was what made them willing to do everything to solve the case and concerning Jessica all of them wanted to giver her back her friend - but it couldn't hamper clear thinking which was as important as empathy was.

"We were told her father died in an explosion, just like her mother", Gibbs said and harrumphed as he noticed his voice was of less strengh that usually, "how come that such a mistake happened?"

"I think I can explain that to you, Jethro", Ducky began and raised his index a little, "indeed, Kimball Montenegro got blown up pretty bad. Plenty of flesh burned but still I was able to recognize several marks that are quite interesting. I'm convinced they were left by a hunting knife but since the explosion and especially the following fire destroyed the remains badly I contacted an old friend of mine in Baltimore to get a second opinion. However, I found a projectile in his right knee. It literally mauled it. Luckily the lower part of his body was covered by something that prevented it from burning. I'm afraid it was another body but there cleary were powder burns around the wound. The gun was superimposed or at least very close to his leg which immediatly suggests that Kimball Montenegro was bound - he was a well trained Marine and hadn't let someone do that without trying to defend himself."

"So the gunshot didn't kill him and neither did the explosion?"

"That's correct. As far as I can tell most of the wounds caused pain but not a remarcably high loss of blood. Nevertheless there were a couple of cuts near his throat and some were dangerously close to the main artery. I can only guess but as far as I can judge those results he was tortured. Your task to find out how it was possible to get a dead Marine in a Humvee with at leats three more people in it. And, of course, why none of his comrades reported him missing. After what I know he was very knowledgeable about important imformation so he must have been to important to.. just get lost."

"What can you tell me about her mother?"

"I'm afraid Elaina Montenegro truly was a victim of a bomb, IED or whatever it was. She died just the way they told us. James Ryan had a couple of stabbing wounds in his chest and died of a cardiac tamponade. His pericardium got filled up with blood until his hearth couldn't pump any longer. The unidentified male died from the same cause. His teeth were aweful and seemed to not have been cared for at all - neither with a toothbrush nor at a dentist. We couldn't match them."

"What did you got, Abby?", Gibbs asked, not able to process all the informaton he got yet. First he needed some more details, some more things to work and connect.

"The projectile I got from Ducky.. it's aweful but it explains the condition of his knee. It's from a MK 14 EBR. It's like the combination of a DMR and a CQB with an effective range of 500 meters. Shooting someone directly into the knee.. that's aweful and so not what it's made for. There are two MK 14 EBRs available per infantry squad of the Army in Afghanistan but it's as well used by the Navy SEALs. Either way - you're gonna have a hard time investigating in both of these circles. The other analysis I made were useless. No drugs, nobody got poisoned or sick, everything was fine. No fingerprints or DNA matches either."

Gibbs nodded shortly while thinking about what Abby just told him. She war right. NCIS wasn't exactly what the US Army would welcome - especially not if he would ascribe some of them to be terrorists and the murderes and torturer or Marines and their family.

"Thanks Abbs", he sighted and turned to walk away, "good work, Ducky."

"Hey Gibbs, not that fast!"

Abby grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back to where he stood before.

"I'm sure you noticed the oddity of Jesse getting a call of her father in the middle of the night _after_ the morning her parents died. Sure you did but finding the answer doesn't take as long as you might think. Since you and Ducky are both already past your midlife crisis.. lets say you might not hear that well but if there's something I really hate it is music in bad quality. You wanna listen to the new songs of _Plastic Death_ on Youtube and the only version there is is from some moron who recorded their video from TV with his cell camera and it sounds all crappy and rattling and not at all like music-"

"What are you up to, Abby?"

"Sorry. What I wanted to say - it's not a real call from her father. He got taped on something and the record was played when Jesse's voicemal started. Don't know if that brings you forward."

"Ah, we'll see. Thank you both. Ehm.. Ducky, I think we could show Jesse the body now. She seems to be stable enough and maybe she can help us. Even though we couldn't find any record or other living family members than her grandparents.. McGee is right. He does look similar to her. I think we'll show up in autopsy in.. when can you be ready? A quater-hour?"

Ducky took the information with a nodd and stayed behnd after Gibbs left the lab.

"Jessica spent the day with you?", he asked Abby.

"Yes. She's great. And she coped with her.. situation better than I thought. She's sad and afraid but she deals with it not too bad. I was a little afraid when Ziva asked me already yesterday night whether Jesse could stay here but it was fun having her around."

"I suppose you noticed how similar both of them are?"

"Gibbs and Jesse? Yeah, a little. Both their families died while they weren't there. But Jesse won't go after the killers and Gibbs wasn't betrayed by his family so.. they aren't that much alike, after all."

She smiled, took a drink of Caf Pow but looked thoughtful at nothing specific.

"Ziva and Jessica, I was talking about", Ducky corrected, "I was worried hearing that they would stay together. Ziva might understand Jessica, but most likely she will stay as superficial as possible and Jessica will think she doesn't care at all. You know what I am talking about, Abigail, all of us made this mistake. If we aren't areful this is going to end sorrowful.. However, I think I have to go back to work or Gibbs and jessica will arrive there earlier than I do. It ain't my style to let my guests wait."

As Ducky left Abby turned on her music again while thinking about the last words of Kiball Montenegro. Preciou_s_ things from the hands of evil people. Impayable.


	23. Chapter 23

**So I noticed that additionally to those who wrote reviews to this storry I should give a thanks to those who put in on allert, too. I enjoy getting mails informing me about this. You guys rock! :D**

**This chapter isn't that significant and so will be the next chapter. I write because I want to write in english. It's more about the activity than about the sense. So, ehm.. yes, that's why.**

**I forgot to tell earlier before that I own none of the movies mentioned during the conversation of Abby and Jessica (Saw, The Human Centipede, Unrest, Nightmare on Elm Street, Children of the Corn). Personally I'm not a fan of splatter or gore movies. They disgust me and I can't see the entertainment.**

**I have slight Claustrophobia that's why I can't write nice things about elevators. I actually like Gibbs but I rewrote this chapter one time since he turned out to be a total asshole in the first try. That one is nicer with him.**

**As always: Reviews & criticism are both very welcome. Thank's for reading anyway.**

**~ AJ**

* * *

I did not like elevators. Techically they could easily turn out to be death traps and I felt no desire to enter such a place. Yet my fear was what made me use them whenever possible. I did not like fear either and this was the only hope I had to ever get rid of it. Fear would not make me take the stairs. Maybe too much body fat would - but not such a simple thing as fear. Not an imagination. So, as always, I reminded myself that nothing aweful would be about to happen. I would enter the elevator. It would take us down to autopsy -I was happy about getting to see Ducky again and hoped that his assistant would probably as cool as he was- and then we would take the same, safe construction again to get back to the bullpen. Or maybe Abby's lab.

"What are we doing down there?", I asked and looked to Gibbs who stood to my right. He seemed to no be afraid of elevators and I wondered if there was anything he ever has been afraid of.

"You have to identify a body for us."

This hit me between the eyes. I started freezing right away and shivered lightly. A muzzled cry of fear escaped my lips. He noticed my upcoming panic. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be happening. Please. No!

"What's wrong, Jessica?"

I stared at him is disbelief while the pictures of a barely recognizable face that was covered with scratches, bruised, contorted with pain and disfigured by the atrocities they did to her were flashing though my mind. How could he dare asking? Wasn't he human after all?

"You.. you can't be serious with that question, can you?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

I ignored him while fighting my tears. I gulped back each sob one by one and somehow managed to square my shoulders and stand up straight. I took a deap breath and felt relatively calm. He obviously didn't care about her so I would not care about him. Asshole.

When the door opened I decided to take the stairs whenever he took the elevator. Either body fat or Gibbs. Those were two things pretty close to each other, after all. Ducky smiled when we entered but just like he did the day before nothing ever deflected his attention.

"You can do this?", he asked and as I nodded he went to stand beside me and softly guided me to one of the morgue coolers. A stretcher stood in front of the opened steel door, the body lyring on it covered with a thin, white blanket. I clenched both my hands to fists when I saw it. It was way more nauseating than I thought I could take.

"Are you sure, Jessica?", Ducky asked again as he noticed how weak I already was. I understood his concerns. A doc for the dead didn't nead a mental girl in his working realm. But I remembered Ziva mentioned he was a forensic psychologist, too and decided that a man who devoted time to the study of mind and behaviour and who has been very kind so far probably really cared. He wasn't worried that I would break down because he would be the one to deal with the vexastions. He simply was worried just because he didn't want me to break down. Because it would mean I wasn't alright at all.

"Yes", I uttered, the words heavily and hoarse leaving my throat, "would be too late to surrender now."

"You don't need to do this-"

"_Yes_, I do!"

"Alright then", he mumbled and added louder, "Mr. Palmer, would you please show her the face?"

I was prepared for the worst but what I saw hit me harder than anything else. Without saying a word I ran around and crossed the room within seconds. I fell on my knees in front of wastebasket and threw up everything I had. The remourse of having three Caf Pows. I cried loud and unhibited as I emptied my stomach and I was screaming as I regurgitated bile while struggling for breath. I tried to hush my cry but my body wouldn't obey my will.

"You know who this man is?", Gibbs asked while he, Ducky and Palmer came closer.

"I suppose it's a while male, normal weight, normal lenght, probably about twentyfive to thrity years old!", I snapped, unable to truly express my anger, "it's _unidentified! _Why didn't you tell me you wanted an identification because you have no clue who this is? Did you just forgot that there was no blood, no wounds, no distortion. Why couldn't you just tell me-? Why didn't you say anything-?"

He kneed down next to me, probably to condescend to my niveau. I played with the thought of pushing him away from me as hard as I could and imagined how he'd break his nose on the tiled floor.

"It's not Carry", I whispered and breathed heavily, "why didn't you tell me it's not her?"

"You thought I would let you verify her identity without telling you before?"

His voice sounded sad and I almost felt guilty for wanting to hurt him.

"Not knowing before.. that's the point of identification, isn't it? ", I sobbed and wiped my tears away, even though my cheeks turned wet a few seconds afterwards again, "but you could have told me it's a young man. That it's not Carry or Richard."

He embraced me and I burried my face in his chest. My hands fought against the consolation but yet it felt good to just lean on someone. I kept crying even though I knew that I would later feel ashamed for leaving the wet marks of my tears on his shirt.

"I am sorry", he susurrated in a voice so low that only I could hear it, "I am very sorry for making you think you lost your family. I did not mean to do this."

I bend back a little and stood up. I smiled and it felt the way true smiles do.

"I know", I said, "but thank you. At least.. there still is hope, right? Hope dies last. So it'll live until you find Carry and Richard. Then it'll ever turn out to be alive or I'll go burry it the same day."

"We'll find them."

"Dead or alive."

It wasn't a question and Gibbs didn't answer. He bowed himself off my nodding, turned around and went back to work. I screwed up my nose when I noticed the smell coming from the wastebasket. I tried to breathe as faintly as I could in order not not spread my supposedly bad tidal air in the room. I wasn't used to have such a weak stomach.

"Sorry, Ducky. I.. should stop vomiting at NCIS all the time. I hope I'll make the next 24 hours without repeating this."

"Don't worry about that, honey", he rejected and handed me a plastic cup of water that I took to one of the sink's to rinse out my mouth before emptying the cup at two swallows, "we had worse down here."

He took off his white coat and hung it an a coathook next to his desk.

"Anyhow, you should have some lunch now. Probably something healthier than this caffeine drink Abigail administered to you. I know a very nice italian restaurant that is near by. We should as well ask Ziva if she wants to join us. As far as it concerns Anthony, Timothy and Mr. Palmer here I know that all of them eat plenty enough but I never really know when she eats, especially not when there are so much things to care about."

"Can you just leave from work? I don't want to restrain you from anything."

"The only work you're restraining me from is finishing old paper work and this something I love to procrastinate. It's far more important that you get some food and feel okay."

We left together and I felt no density and no trapidation when we entered the elevator.

No fear.


	24. Chapter 24

**That's a senseless chapter. And it's crap. I'm kinda stuck right now and simpyl had no idea what to write but felt the need of updating this story.**

**Promise the next chapter will be better. Or.. well, I hope it will. Due to 16 upcoming wonderful days of vacations I'll have plenty of time and hope that I'll be able to finish this story. Don't know how many chapters it'll contain but I should focus a little on developing the plot. :)**

The small italian restaurant _il cielo stellato_ had not looked very trustworthy on the outside. But inside it was warm, clean and comfy. The furniture was untuned and some of it already past its best days but it was not shabby at all. It felt like having a piece of Italy lying around in the living room.

"What's tatar?", I asked, studying the menu card suspiciously. There were many things on there I never heared of before and even though the restaunrant was very nice I couldn't feel fully comfortable in here.

"Hardened dental plaque", Ziva responded while studying her own card, "it's pretty gross. I think I'll take the _tagliatelle pomodore et basilico_."

"What?"

"Tomato and basil."

"No, I mean.. you can't be right with the tatar."

"Why not? In Iceland they have a speciality called _Hákarl_ that is made from the fermented flesh of the Greenland Shark and tastes exactly the way it sounds. I suppose people eat weird things in Italy, too. I had no time to care about this country's culture the last time I stayed there since it was before I worked at NCIS. But I had _Escargots à la Bourguignonne _in Paris. You could ask Tony how it tastes. He has italian roots and eats pretty much everything."

"This was a very nice side fact, Ziva, I couldn't do it any better", Ducky said and laughed a bit, "but what you are talking about is _tartar_, also known as _calculus_."

"I thought this was mathematics?"

"Well, it's both."

Ziva shook her head and took a swalow from the glass of water. We ordered our drinks before.

"Tatar as it stands on the menu is raw beef."

I grimaced as imagined eating this. It wouldn't do my stomach any good for sure. When the waiter came to our table I ordered _feta e melone sulla foccacia_. We got our food about 15 minuted later. It was delicious.

"How come I never knew this place existed?", Ziva asked simpering while reeling noodles around the fortk teeth, "I take this road at least twice a day. Gosh, I missed awesomeness for years!"

"I came to find that many americans tend to miss hidden beauty. Even your delicacies are part of huge restaurant chains - regarding _Red Lobster_ or.. whatever else there is. It's not exactly detail-orientated."

"Yeah, except the fact that I grew up in a country that pretty much is a detail itself on every map. Maryland is bigger than Israel is."

"Maybe you're not that much of a food-person."

"But english people are?"

"_Scotish._ We have nothing to do with mince pie and such."

"Oh please, _Haggis?"_

Ducky grimaced shortly and the three of us bursted out laughing. I loved listening to their conversation. I could feel it was not free of worry but it was full of delight. When our laughers faded away both of them looked at me.

"So, ehm.. what did you usually do about that time of the day?", Ziva tried to start a conversation.

"AC would be about to begin in a few minutes, I think. That's a fun class. I like it a lot." I smiled for a few seconds when I imagined my classmates who all agreed on me being a weird person in that matter. I was the only one of them who actually enjoyed doing an amount of push- and sit-ups, lifting weights and fitness training that made 50 minutes feel like a whole day. I came to like the exhaustion, the feeling you get in your muscles when you make them do everything they can and then push them just a little further. And least but not last sitting in english class afterwards, having debates about Shakespear and Arthur Miller and enyojing the feeling of not stressing the body but only the mind.

"I suppose you informed my school I can't come in today?", I reassured because inexcused absence wouldn't look well at my report card.

"Gibbs already called them."

"When can I go again? I don't want to miss too much. I have a biology presentation due next week."

"We'll see. But honestly, that's impossible to tell right now."

"I would like to again. I'll have to take all of the exams if I miss much more days."

"Well, I guess this cannot be worse than getting killed. I understand that you want to go back to normal at least in some ways. But you won't go as long as we don't even know whom to protect you of. This point isn't up for negotiation."

I laughed. I had no idea why, I just had to laugh. For a moment Ziva looked irritated and maybe, but only maybe, Ducky did as well. Then both of them smiled, too. I wondered whether Ducky could explain that to me but refused to ask and took another bite of food instead.

"So you like sports?", Ducky asked and I forced my lips to form a smile. As time and out talk grew on I started getting a little annoyed by how the both of them tried to focus on every possible normal thing they could think of. I wouldn't have botherd if it'd have been just anormal conversaton as the, even though senseless, one I had with Abby about horror movies this morning. But Ducky and Ziva both tried way too hard finding things that wouldn't make me think of something sad. I apprechiated that they cared that much. But at the same time I couldn't help slowly getting driven crazy. I felt so trapped being with those who only prevcented me from getting killed because they would be in trouble if they didn't. They were sitting me like a baby, made me cry, made me eat, sleep, live. I knew they weren't as ill-intentioned as I felt. But I had enough. I simply had enough of all this and almost regretted coming to NCIS the other day.

I knew they noticed the abrupt end our conversation just came to. I glanced on my wristwatch for the time and then stood up, calm like a person who's just going to the restrooms.

"I'm sorry", I said and already turned around, "but I really have to go now."

And then I jusr ran. Out of the restaurant onto the street. I already heared how Ziva was coming after me. I turned off round a corner and saw a bus stopping at a bus stop. I ran to catch it and got into it right before the doors closed behind me. Did she see me? I forced myself to stop bothering and bought a ticket, not knowing where to go.

I had to get away. I had to get away from all those people who worried about me. I had to get away from those who cared, who protected me and maybe even thought that I wasn't that much of a bad fellow. I had to get away. I had.

I would come back sooner or later. I knew I would because there wasn't anyone more important to me than Carry. And who but them could find her?


	25. Chapter 25

**New Chapter. It#s corny. But I'm so proud I finally managed to upload it. At first I got errors from , then my laptop refused to connect to our W-LAN and then I got the ff errors again. But voilá - that's it! :)**

**R&R please. & again thanks for the (one, but nice) rewiev I got. :)**

**and still -wow, who would have guessed so?- I do not own NCIS. How depressing.**

* * *

"You did _what_?"

"We lost her", Ziva repeated into the phone, trying to keep her own voice calm, "really, Tony, we couldn't do anything. She just got up, went out of the restaurant and straight into a bus. There were many customers in the dining area and it took me longer than usual to get out of there. But it wasn't that much of our fault. We tryied to be nice. How are we.. how am I supposed to know about her reaction?"

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's going to explain that to Gibbs."

"I was hoping you might fit him for some bad news?"

"Ha! Nice try, David, but if you want to shuffle yourself and Ducky out of that situation you'll have to do it all by yourself. Good luck though, probie. See ya later, Alligator."

"Hey, no Tony-!", Ziva shoutet into the cell and turned around to Ducky, "he just hang up! Hey, Tony! How dare you? Get on the phone or I'll kill you! Tony! TONY!"

"Ziva, he's not gonna answer if you scream into that phone."

"That's anger management! I'm angry and he'll listen to it! However. Any idea where to look for her?"

"I thought you might have an idea of where she's going after the two of you stayed together? Did she tell you anything about places she likes, her friends or some acquaintances?"

"No, not that I remember. She had Carry but Carry's still gone. Maybe some team or class mates?"

"I guess they are at school now. And she'll have trouble entering the Navy Yard", Ducky considered, thoughtfully looking at Ziva, "Ziva, may I ask you a question out of personal interest?"

"This sounds as if it's going to be very evaluating", she said suspiciously, "And I don't think it's important or going to help our search. You wouldn't ask if it would be."

"I can't help it. I'm a friend or yours."

She sighted and nodded slowly her okay.

"Alright then. What is it you want to know?"

"Yesterday night and this morning... what did you two do? Did you talk?"

"We had Pizza. Ehm, we watched _Saving Private Ryan_. We.. well, it wasn't really talking, I believe. She asked me where I'm from. I told her and she told me about the encounter with an undergraduate who grew up in Israel. I don't think he's important though. She didn't tell whether she met him again but as far as I know they only spend a day together and that's already years ago so... anyways. She misses her brother. She said it when we watched the movie. I don't know if she said it to me. It was kinda... not really a part of the conversation."

"Then you gave no answer?"

Ziva shrugged, starting to feel uncomfortable talking to Ducky this way.

"I didn't say that. But you know what? More than finding out what Jessica said yeserday when she sat at my couch we should find out where she's right not which will certainly be another place."

Ziva quickly perused the options she and Ducky had. There weren't many.

"I hate to say this - but we need to inform the team. We need to start a search on her."

Ducky nodded.

"I can't believe the two of us lost someone _again_." She was half smiling -most of all to make Ducky feel more comfortable in whoms face she could already see worry and guilt- half angry at herself, feeling the same way he did. And a little embarrassed that a girl was able to escape her.

"Ziva, how did you reply to this?"

"What to?"

"That she misses her brother. You told me that you did not give her no answer. So what did you say?"

"I told you I don't know if she was talking to me. But I said that I do, too."

Ziva felt Ducky's glimpse on herself and almost saw his brain working, pondering and, which made her angry again, judging. Maybe she saw him wrikling his nose for only a fraction of a second. She knew the reason and couldn't even blame him for feeling that way. And still it was bothering her.

"Ari wasn't all that bad, Ducky", she said, suddenly telling anyone more than she ever did and at the same time feeling more than she did for a long time, "he was my half brother and I loved him just the way I loved Tali and my mother and my father. I know to you he'll always be first and foremost the one who killed Kate and who held you, her and your former assistant hostage and I do not think that this was right. He did many wrong things but he wasn't fundamentally evil. You should know. You're a forensic psychologist and you study those things. Just like my dad isn't bad to the bone. He did the worst things and I hate him for those and I will not forgive him but I love him for better ones and I won't ever forget them either. There were very good and very bad times. Unfortunatlythe the bad times outweight the good ones in lengh and significance but they do not eliminate them and they do not make them worthless. Upon other terms Ari could have turned out as an amazing man. He had always been an amazing brother to me."

While speaking about her lost brother her voice had increased its volume, one word followed the next one quicker and quicker until her voice was close to cracking and it got filled with rage, anger and sadness.

"I did not doubt your feelings for him, Ziva."

"I know", she mumbled, her voice being too breathy. She harrumpted. "Sorry, I... ehm, I shouldn't have.. well. I'll just call McGee so that he'll start the search and we can go back then."

"Ziva?"

She sighted but was already smiling again.

"Another question? Really?"

"I wonder if you blame him?"

"Ari? If he would have done better things, the right ones, I would be a happier person."

"I wanted to ask whether you blame Gibbs."

"What for?"

"Killing Ari."

She smiled and went towards her Mini.

"I can't blame him for that one."


	26. Chapter 26

Hm, this chapter sucks. And I wasn't updating for a while. Sorry. I'm having a total writer's block for this story right now and only updated this chpter because I wanted to update it somehow. Even htough it's senseless and I don't really know where this story is going...

* * *

I was gone for too much time when I realized I had no place to go. And not only this - after I got the bus ticket I only had two dollars and couple of dimes left which was barely enough money for me to get back to the last place I wanted to be right now. I couldn't just get to my grandparent's place since the Navy had security checks and I was pretty sure that Law Enforcement was searching for me by now. Heck, I didn't even had a cell since I handed it to Gibbs.

So I found myself being stranded in the middle of an anonymus crowd somehwere in DC. I was lonely, broke, haphazard and about to regret my 'escape'. What did I think? That running away from the people protecting me would do any good? At leats I wasn't hungry.

"Excuse me, I know this sounds weird but can you tell me where I am?"

The passerby I asked, a trustworthy looking woman wearing a blazer and dark jeans, deliberately ignored me and didn't even deign to look at me.

"Yeah great, why care to spend five seconds on answering me?", I mumbled to myself and decided to just walk down the street - since I was alrady lost this wouldn't make it any worse. Maybe I'd find a place I knew and then... well, I would think about what to do next then.

But the farther I went the worse it got. Yes, it was possible. Because worse than not knowing where one is in a crowded place is not knowing where one is when einding up in a dark, deserted byroad that reeks of faeces. I heared a noise behind me and turned around quickly while cursing myself for being that close to panic again. It was just a cat but the final staw that made me turn around and run back the same way I came. I had no choice. I would deliver myself up to the next cop I would see to get back to some better place.

"Sir?", I asked, immediatly being a little shy again, "I think I need your help."

The police officer I asked turned around eyeballed me biding. Maybe I was annoying him already? _To protect and serve_ I reminded myself. Or whatever motto the police in DC had. It was his job to not be annoyed by me3.

"Sure, what can I do for you?"

"I, ehm... that's going to sound a bit ambiguous so: I am not a criminal or anything. But I kinda escaped from an NCIS Agent and a colleague of hers and now I don't know how to get back to them even though it's the best place for me to be now. Oh - Jessica Montenegro is the name. There are some people who sorta killed my family and maybe they'll try to kill me, too. And they took my friend and her father and that's why I shouldn't be here right now and... yeah, that's pretty much it."

His doubts were obvious.

"You know it's not allowed to mislead the police?"

"I swear I don't. If it turns out I did you can arrest me but, well, that won't be happening."

He went over to his car and opened a door to the back seats. I felt bad sitting down having the security barrier between me and him. But after all I didn't do anything illegal so those bars didn't really mean anything.

"So you said they are NCIS?"

"Yes."

"Haven't been there so far", he said and I was glad to see him smile, "us ordinary patrolmen don't get in contact with the federal guys that often."

"Thank you for bringing me there."

"You're welcome. Makes my day a little more interesting than usual."

And when I saw the unfamiliar streets and the results of my idée fixe pass by, recognized the little restaurant and finally went into the NCIS building again I felt like belonging at least a bit.

* * *

"Did you two even bother thinking?", Gibbs snarled at Ducky and Ziva as soon as they arrived at the bullpen, "she's a _kid_, how is it possible she can run astray while being with you?"

He looked at Ziva, trying to hold back most of his rage.

"Are you an NCIS Agent or what?"

"How could we have known that?", she immediatly defended herself, "I payed attention all the time but there were so many customers and yet it... blind-sided me that she just went out of the restaurant."

"_Paying Attention_ is a good point, David."

"Seriously Gibbs - how am I supposed to know about her reaction? I have no clue. Tell me!"

"That's a minimum of attentiveness. Gosh, you've been working with us for years you shoudl be able to judge people's state of mind better by now!"

"Oh really?", she snapped and one of her innermost instincts of hitting back whomever offended her began to sprout again, "Being attentive like the man who sended her home to find her killed brother the other day? And after what I heared from Palmer you didn't do that great in autopsy earlier today."

"I wouldn't have lost her."

"And you know why? Because _you_ are not the one who's been picked to be with her all day. But I would love to see you running after a bus that drives away from you in the middle of a street full of crazy rush hour traffic and stopping it. Show me and I'll be glad to take all the blame on earth. I already said that I did not expect her to run away and yes, this was a mistake. But that some troubled kid comes to us one day seeking protection from her family's killers and decides to do the oposite the next day is not rational and neither is it obvious or comprehensible. So please don't act as if Ducky and I would have been the only ones screwing. If something happens to her it's as much her own fault as it is ours!"

Gibbs stared at her in disbelieve, trying to realize what just happened. Tony and McGee had followed the conversation but now they dropped pretending to concentrate on something else and exchanged eagerly glances. Gibbs' jaw dropped and for the first time ever they saw their boss speechless - not that much because of Ziva spurning all the guilt but more due to the downright outburst of her's caused by a relatively small issue. He had seen her taking worse things calmer that she just did.

"Ehm... _what?"_

"You heared me."

"Excuse me?", Ducky interrupted, "may I remak something?"

"Hold on!", Ziva and Gibbs said simultaneousley.

"It's just that... you can stop searching. She's back now."


End file.
